moments old...
two hearts become three- what a miracle
one year later
two years later
three years later
our super hero
last call
tryptaphan & ambien
I was a week overdue with rising blood pressure 3 years ago tonight. I was scheduled to go to one hospital only to receive a call that there was a full moon, the weekend was coming and there was no room in the inn. Well- that’s how I remember it at least. My OB called (oh yes- the only one I hadn’t met in the practice and had heard horror stories about his meanness and ego). He called saying he heard the hospital said there was no room to induce me and bring this little one into the world, and how was I feeling; and if I would like and had my bags packed; then yes he could make arrangements for me at another hospital if that was agreeable. My bags were packed, my tears wiped dry and off we went with one last pause in the exit of our life as two for a photographic still. When we returned, God willing; there would be three and life would never be still again…
We drove to St. Francis Womens’ & Children’s Hospital in Greenville; a mere hour away. The cervidil was placed, Lovey tried to make himself comfortable on the fold-out chair for a night in wait; the machine turned on to monitor and record the smooth, quick rhythms of the last hours our hearts would beat nested together. An ambien offered and turkey sandwich administered, whispered wishes of good luck and health and cheer for the day unfolding ahead of us….
A Meal
1. Capturing Spot
2. Rain
3. a meal plan
4. a pizza fundraiser
5. Swim Classens
6.Corner View
7. 31 for 21
8. multiple nursings in a row
9. graduating from one supplement to another
10. random occurances
11. developmental leaps
12. ABR technology showing no hearing loss
13. The Quail’s cries at her families bellows
14. Nystantin
15. Babies rolling on their very own!
16. 3 year olds
17. E.E. Cummings
18. coffee
19. Heffalumps
20. a park full of party-goers
21. good friends helping things go smoothly
The Quail in a Cap
I’m so very excited by this blog challenge- it’s our first challenge and its for a great cause. I will wax philosophic and perhaps poetic about advocacy and disability and inclusion and Down syndrome. I have ALOT to say. I’ve taken to reading our new library with a fervor. I’m a book gal and I’ve had the good fortune to have been trained both vocationally, personally and academically in all things ability and disability.
I’ve had the grand pleasure of seeing David Hingsberger speak. The man is graced with the good fortune of seeing all people as whole and perfect long before his advocacy applied to himself in such an intimate fashion. The man is also one of the most articulate speakers I could hope to listen too. What he has to say- I’m a listenin. I’m so pleased that in the advent of this blogging world he has reentered our lives- and for me at such a time that is so very personal for me and my family. Often my spirit lunges ahead before the words are able to be articulated from my mouth. And with that I am ever so grateful for others ability to articulate.
As this world of advocacy is now a daily occurance for us sometimes it is hard to see and articulate about what is so essential in our lives. And sometimes, well life just gets busy before we have time to ponder it. On those days I will shamelessly use this advocacy month to post pictures of our dear Quail- because- frankly- you knowing her- will teach you more about her heart, her mind, her will and self determination then I could ever hope to articulate.
Please introduce yourself- I respect the lurkers- but lets use this month to get to know each other- shall we? Even just a Hello- so I know you are out there and part of our world- well it means the world.
much love and friendship- Cole
Gramma, Grampa & Zuzu
I promise to create a loving and enriching environment for you.
Dear Loves,
Ms. Chopra tells the story of Mencius and how his family moved to different locations in order to find the values they wanted to impart on their child. They settled on a home near a school. Once there, her son learned about books, science, philosophy and kindness to others. He began to imitate these behaviors and became one of the greatest thinkers and philosophers of his time. Mencius grew up to believe and assert that the innate goodness of a person was due to society’s influence.
There is much we can and will discuss from this story over our lifetimes. I have certainly worried about what type of environment you girls will grow up in. What the people, places and customs around you will teach you about life, love and values; as well as influencing the adults you will grow to be. What Mencius’s mother did for him is an age old tale but one that remains relevent today. Now though, the influence of others is so insidious in our lives. Simply moving to live in a different physical enviroment doesn’t guarantee that we will find values that match ours and only experience others behaviors that we find worthy. It is rare that any of us spend a day without any contact with the outside world. We are continuously influenced both consciously and subconsciously by advertising on our cereal boxes, the internet, the mail, the signs our neighbors put up, the television, the lyrics of a song, the words we hear spoken on a radio show or written in a magazine lying in a waiting room….etc.
Fortunately now we realize now that we do not necessarily have to become victim to all of those influences regardless of where we live. As your parents we get the opportunity to try to help you learn to interpret society around you in a way that makes sense to you. It is impossible and improbable of a task to think we should protect you from everyone elses values, beliefs and fervored opinions that don’t coincide with our own. We wouldn’t even want to. What we do promise is to help you learn to think for yourselves. To help you have the confidence and insight necessary to sort through conflicting and promising images and values you are exposed to on a minute by minute basis. We love you so and wish for you to learn to think for yourselves. You are both in the beginnings of that process now though where in order to learn to think for yourselves, you watch and imitate us. Lovey and I both have realized just how astute you both are and how spongelike you both are in soaking up everything around you. When I see you dear Zuzu, grab my shoes, my pump-pack and sunglasses and explain you have to take a taxi to the market to buy Kefir and need monies to pay for parking- I see the cogwheels in your brain turning as you work out what you need to do to nourish your little body and act grown-up. And you sweet Quail- I see my own joy reflected back at me as your smile crinkles up in your delight of our noticing you want to be picked up, or fed or have your diaper changed or just a snuggle.
We know that as your parents it is our duty to think about things before we make decisions- this is how you will learn to be thoughtful.
It is our duty to be loving in our actions- this is how you will learn to be loving in your own.
It is our duty to value you as individual human beings- so that you will see your own value and learn to value others.
While we can’t protect you from the world’s continuous influence we will teach you to protect yourselves- through development of your mind, your body, your will and your sense of esteem. We will do this by loving and being with you. By talking to and listening to you and being your soft place to fall.
What we know as fact today was once science fiction. Everyone has an opinion as to what constitutes an enriching and loving environment- from where you should sleep, to how you eat and what you eat, to where you learn and who you talk to and when. As to whether or not those ideas that are currently touted as facts remain so or flow into the river of good intentions is yet to be seen. We do our educated best for you today and will continue to throughout your long lives. You bring the love and richness to all of our collective and individual lives and for that we are eternally grateful.
Love, Momma
The Newest Little Advocate in our House
October is National Down syndrome Awareness Month! Join in the challenge either click here:
http://unringingthebell.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/10/31-for-21-important-admin-stuff.html#comments
Or on the Get it Down button the sidebar! On Tricia’s lovely site you’ll see a link to many of the wonderful families in our community. Time to make the rounds and introduce yourself folks! Come along and meet the people in your neighborhood!
Let me start- I’m Cole, my dear husband Lovey and I have 2 amazing little girls. Zuzu is turning 3 and The Quail is 7 1/2 mos old. Please read our “Meet the Happy Little Family Page” to learn more about us. Nice to meet you!
Love Gift
If you haven’t read any Anne Morrow Lingbergh; do- she was a lovely, lovely writer. We were fortunate to have heard a passage from Gifts From the Sea at a friend’s wedding and were thrilled to incorporate it into ours 9 wonderful years ago. At the time I loved the island imagery but still instinctually fought against the whole concept of letting go, letting be. I’m a nostalgic, sentimental creature by nature. My instinct is to hold on and hold on tight to that which I love. It is my life’s practice I suppose. I was unfamiliar with any Zen writings or concepts at the time we chose this for the wedding, how beautiful to see the Zen spirit in which she writes now. Any work that you can read and reread and glean something fresh is one to keep on your shelves- or is it one to let go…
Gifts from the Sea- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.
Lookin
Almost...
We have a Winner!
Jessica has won the copy of Gifts 2! Thanks to everyone for playing! Jessica email me at nicolehinesstarkey at yahoo dot com with your address and I’ll ship it out to you!
And on a happy Quail-bird note- the ABR went swimmingly yesterday! After an hour of what felt like herding cats- I was able to coax the Quail into dreamland and the test went off without a hitch. While the OAEs still didn’t provide a decent reading the audiologist said it was probably a function of wax in her ears. But the ABR showed her hearing was normal down to 20 decibals (which is normal for children- 25 is normal for adults- so yes- your children should be able to hear you better then your husband). We are so unbelievably grateful and will save the cute Hanna Anderson Pilot hat for winter and also for The Quails upcoming halloween costume!
Ordinary Afters... 