Quailday: Schoolhouse Rocks…especially inclusive ones…

As I mentioned on Tuesday, the Quail is now fully included in the Toddler class at her little school. The transition started with the beginning of the public school year in August with her spending some time with the teachers throughout the day but typically returning for meal and naptimes. Last month we had Miss Mattie start taking the Quail from the baby room to the Toddler class when she got there to help assist the Quail in feeling comfortable with her new teachers and reaquaint herself with some of the classmates that had moved up earlier this summer. This is a MUCH bigger class then what she is used to (from 1 teacher to 5 students to 2 teachers with 10 students).

When Zuzu moved into the Toddler class she was 10 months old. It was just how it fell in the academic year and how the make-up of kids worked out. So I incorrectly assumed that the Quail moving in there at 19 months old would be much older than the others. Turns out she is the youngest. She is the only one not walking yet and we expect it will be a while before she is able to walk. But as Miss Tandria the school manager told me when Zuzu made this same transition- it’s amazing how quickly they assimilate to the new routine and activities. The Quail has definitely picked up her pace on crawling. She still mostly does an army crawl, but it’s much faster and she initiates it frequently. No longer when you leave her in one spot in a given room, can you expect to find her sitting in the same spot when you return. Usually she’ll follow you!

Their day starts out with group and art time. The Quail is a natural at this. She is a huge book lover and would sit and read happily all day in her dreamland. During art time she only eats about as much glue as her fellow students and was more than happy to fingerpaint and tear up the paper strips for her collage.

Lunchtime is one of the biggest changes. The little kidlets all sit in individual chairs around a toddler sized table and receive their first foray into school lunch. You can guess how this was received by the Quail….pure delite! A number of times in this past week the teacher has remarked that when they finish helping the Quail with her meal and step away to clean up, when they turn back the Quail has stood herself up at the table to get a better view of what she wishes was an all-you-can-eat buffet! I worried she might try to take the other kiddo’s food or offer up some of her pterodactyl impressions in the process of having to wait for her meal to be brought to her. But surprisingly (even though I shouldn’t be so surprised since kids frequently have separate standards of etiquette for home and school), she is just happy to be part of the group and doesn’t fuss at all.

Next up, naptime- again a big worry for me (sensing a theme here yet?), in the baby room the babies all had baby cribs. In the Toddler class, um yeah, the toddlers all sleep on nap mats. Zuzu worried me back during her transition time with this as well. She was notorious in the baby room for staying awake during naptime and going around rattling the babies cribs throughout the span of time and then dropping off to sleep just when it was time to get up. I figured she wouldn’t cut it on a nap with absolutely no caging in to enforce the plan. But she surprised me too, that very first day she laid herself down to sleep, soaked up the nice teacher backrub and dropped off just like it was old hat. I swear I’d pay a mint to have these teachers come to bedtime at our house nightly! So the first all day run to include naptime I was hovering by the phone at 2:02pm- scolding myself for wanting to check in, and  yet reminding myself they said it fine to check! Finally by 3pm I caved in to check, and yes, the Quail- no problem. Three seperate times she looked up and chatted at the teacher and three times she was informed that what she was saying was well and good but it was naptime. The third time was the charm. She conked out and slept the full two hours. And so far has stuck with the schedule.

In the afternoon there is playtime outside. Depending on how many kiddos are out on the playground there is a need to be careful here. The Two’s class should really be called Three’s and those kiddos are apparantly farm-fed. They are LOTS bigger. During those instances when the group can be a bit overwhelming the Toddler teachers have improvised by bringing out a small swimming pool, added some toys and let her play in there. Each afternoon that I’ve picked her up on the playground there has been a minimum of two and once six of her groupees crowding around to play with her. For the kids it wasn’t isolating her, it was just an invitation for them to come sit by her.

And so goes the first full week. I’m completely thrilled with how smooth it has gone and will probably end up back her reading this and reminding myself of how well her being included can go. Thanks so much to all the lovely and loving teachers at my girl’s school. I appreciated you when you lovingly cared for Zuzu, but you’ve really outshined yourself with the two of them. I feel so lucky to know you all!

corner view: green

The question given was what is your relation with nature? Well- if I can eat it- I do. If It’s pretty I take a picture. If it’s both- well then Hallelujah! Happiness unfolds!

happy corner viewing!

Comm

Zuzuday- Stister love

 

So one of the absolute best parts of the Quail moving into the Toddler room this fall- is the added togetherness it affords the Stisters. I remember reading the statistics about siblings of kids with disabilities getting 80% of the attention in the home and how that can cause resentment towards the individual with the disability. It worries me, I want them to love each other and take comfort in each other. I want them to be able to have their own independent lives and yet still connect with each other.

So back to the togetherness. We have a young therapeutic recreation graduate student, Miss Mattie that we have come to school to play with the Quail for 45 minutes a day 4 days a week. She reviews and works on the different activities that we learn in the various therapies on the days we don’t have physical and occupational therapy sessions. Miss Mattie will then report back to us about how the session went and specifically what they worked on. We’ve tried to encourage them to go with the flow of what the natural activity in the room is so that the Quail isn’t being pulled away from her pals but having support and learning how to interact with and keep up better with them.  I’ll break here to tell you I’m a worrywart. Well, maybe noone needed me to point that out. But I’ve worried about the Quail’s ability to adapt to a typical school endlessly. I wholeheartedly believe in the power and good of inclusion. But I worry about the day-to-day reality of what it will look like for the Quail and the need to keep my little feathered friend safe, while supporting this inclusion ideal. Part of that is fear based on a stereotype of her disability and potential capability and part of that is just being a working mom to a young child and spending the majority of your day entrusting her care to others.

So, we have Miss Mattie, to give the Quail that extra oomph to fit in and keep up and look out for her. Well, the happiest part of my days in the last few weeks has been checking my email on break at work and seeing the email from Miss Mattie telling me about the Quail’s day and what all they worked on. The absolute best part of the email; though, are the asides that if she was just using the original checklist of activities we gave her we would never hear about. The little moments of triumph and love and community in her day that warm my heart.

So why is this post on Zuzu’s day you ask? Well because we chose to put the girls in the same school, they sometimes share little recess times. Now the big kids playground is next to; but separate from the babies and toddlers playground. There is a fence in between.  This was an excerpt from Miss Mattie’s note on Zuzu’s birthday:

“Then Zuzu’s class came outside and Zuzu ran over to say hi. The Quail was so excited to see her she waved and blew kisses and they held hands through the fence.”

Swoon… I asked the Quail’s teacher to try to get a picture of it if she can since when I remarked on how sweet it was she indicated that it has happened more than once. She then went on to tell me how Zuzu will frequently run over to the fence to check on the Quail and if she’s in the middle of something else and the Quail is crying Zuzu will start hollering to her to get her attention back to her sister. And keep at it until someone comes. I tell you, that girl’s persistence pays off sometimes. The other gem, she’s created an entourage for the Quail. Apparently a number of Zuzu’s friends have taken it upon themselves to line up at the fence and watch out for the Quail as well. I’ve had more than one mother take the time to introduce themselves at pick-up time in order to remark that their child will ask for a Quail of their own and how cute she is.

That Zuzu, she’s a natural advocate. Bless her sweet head.

Mommaday: Lessons I’m working on learning

So the other day I was catching up on reading Dave Hingsburger. I know, I know- I’ve said before just how much I like the guy and how much I appreciate his advocacy; just how much I have learned and continue to learn from him. I’m repeatedly amazed at how simple and profound his thoughts make the world appear when I find myself agonizingly inarticulate over similar issues.

Here’s the thing- The examples he gave in this post- I was fortunate. I won’t say I never did the things he did as a caregiver- I’m sure I did. But I also had the blessing of his wisdom back then. I had so many teachers reminding me to listen to and respect the words, thoughts and actions of a person with a disability. It was my job as a caregiver to hear them and to help them navigate their world in their own way. There is one thought that sticks with me, and I apologize that I can’t remember who to give the credit too- but there was a time when I worked with people with fairly profound disabilities on a daily basis. We worked to teach them daily living skills. How to unload the dishwasher, dress themselves, shop for themselves, feed themselves. I remember someone wise interjecting during a weekend caregiving stint, that just because someone can do something, doesn’t mean you have to make a lesson of it every single time. Sometimes, it’s nice to have someone get you your cup of coffee. It doesn’t mean you weren’t capable and need to prove that you are learning every single time.

Where am I going with this? Especially since it seems to be the opposite of Dave’s point? That the point is to learn to listen to people. To every person. To put aside the soundtrack in your head of what you think someone should or could do and notice them today.

All people- and here’s the light that just flipped on as I was reading Dave; including the people that aren’t labeled as “disabled”. I’m outing myself here. Sometimes, I’m hyper-critical of Zuzu. Not here, but in the moment, when she’s having a hard time and not behaving like how I think she should behave in a given situation. I rationalize, well she’s new to this earth. She needs me to instruct her. She needs me to tell her we are going to storytime now, because that’s when it is scheduled and you’ll just have to be able to sit still and listen to the nice lady like all the other kids because that’s where good parents take their kids. Even though I see the energy practically bursting out of her. I see that she wants to run and play and not have to answer to anyone at this moment.

I’m still reflecting on this. I’m not suggesting parents don’t owe it to their children to instruct them. I know we do, but we also owe it to our children to let them be who they are. The difference is when the Quail hollers and screams at me and knocks her carefully prepared food off of her plate- I tell her no, but later I will reflect on her strength, her ability to have an opinion and her ability to communicate it so clearly. I make my focus to try to offer a choice next time so she can choose what she wants. I work on the sign for eat and for drink- so next time she wants one or the other she has an easier way to get her point across. Because she has a disability- I expect to have to slow down and learn to work with her, because of how I’ve been trained. Because of this training I know she’ll get there. I tend to not make overarching generalizations about what it means about her capacity and what kind of person she’ll be or what kind of trouble she’ll have or whether or not she’ll grow up to be a doctor some day or not. I know to wait and listen to her and let her find her voice.

I don’t always give Zuzu that same wide girth. If she does the very same action, more often than not, my response is to despair something along the lines of, “Oh no! Not again, you know better than to do that!” And then put her in time out and then later scan my ever-growing library of discipline books for the latest technique to “manage her behavior”.

And don’t get me wrong- I’m not talking about the age dependant biggies here- The Quail- she bites me- she goes to time out. She hits, she gets told no hitting, be gentle and shown how to use her little hand. The next meal we try to be a little more prompt about introducing the choices before she’s so far gone she’d eat her own arm to get a bite of dinner.

But Zuzu, sometimes I forget she is just a little kid. She’s so grown up in so many ways and is the first to tell me what she knows and correct what I think I know. Sometimes I think she should already know more than she does. 

Dave says, “Stop listening to what the stereotype cripple is saying loudly in your head and listen to what the real cripple is saying out loud in the real world. Is it so much to ask?”

It’s not too much to ask Dave. Sometimes we all need reminders. Sometimes we are better about remembering the lesson with some and not others. The listening I think comes easier to me with the Quail than it does with anyone else in my life. Probably because I’ve had so  much practice and lessons on listening to those with disabilities. I guess in some ways I do still group her as having a disability by affording her actions more respect than I do other people’s. I guess what I realize now- is that it’s really time for that lesson to sink in and generalize a bit. If I’m really going to treat people with disabilities with the respect I afford others- then I need to remember to treat others with the respect I afford those with disabilities.  I need to really get the
message that we are all more like than different.

Thank goodness children are pretty darn forgiving.

Gratitude Journal: Why I’m grateful for Down syndrome

1. Because it is a basic part of The Quail- and she’s beautiful as she is

2. Because of the community it has made me a part of

3. Because it helped me to understand and bond with my mother in a way I never could have if my child hadn’t been diagnosed with a disability

4. Because it has helped me to see the basic kindness in others I might otherwise have missed

5. Because it’s given me a medical base of knowledge that I might not otherwise have had

6. Because it’s brought tears of joy and admiration to my eyes and heart more times than I can count. People really are amazing.

7. Because it’s helped me to be more sensitive to others needs around me

8. Because it’s helped me to appreciate the ordinariness of life that really is a miracle

9. Because it’s helped me understand that we get what we get and we don’t get upset

10. Because it’s encouraged me to look for the positive in life

12. Because it’s shown me the positive in life

11. Because I can’t picture her little face with it’s tell-tale signs any other way

12. Because of all of the lil sack-o-sugar cuddles it’s granted me

13. Because it’s caused me to be a little less arrogant about what I think I know

14. Because it’s inspired a creativity in me that’s been dormant for some time

15. Because it’s brought forth a confidence in me that wasn’t there before

16. Because it’s brought a world of strangers into my life that have become friends, family, role models, advocates and teachers

17. Because it helps me to see that it is going to be alright

18. Because it has helped me to be closer to a number of friends and family

19. Because it has helped me appreciate my friends and family

20. Because it has made me aware of stereotypes I didn’t even know I held.

21. Because it’s what my life has been leading up to till this moment in time and it’s nice to finally be here and let out the breath I’ve been holding

See What I Saw Saturday: Continuing to bust up a stereotype…

...or really hear what I heard...

Last year I posted this during Down syndrome Awareness month:

“Babies that have Down syndrome are not passive angels that are alway happy. They are regular babies with a full range of emotions just like any other baby. If you assume my baby who happens to have Down syndrome is filled with joy and wants to love everyone she meets; you will be sorely disappointed as she clearly notes that you are not one of her people if she hasn’t already met you and hung out with you. She will give you a cutting look and turn back to her people.

She knows us and if you take the time, she may get to know you.  You will have to earn her love, trust and respect the same as you have to earn mine.

Now that said; please do take the time to get to know her and let her get to know you.  She is awesome.”

As time has gone on- it hasn’t changed. Except; now she has perfected her fine motor skills she will slap the hand of any baby-lovin stranger away from her. Oh- and turn her back. Physical therapy has done wonders as well!

Fave-O-Lit Friday

Wonder

By Natalie Merchant

Doctors have come
from distant cities
just to see me
stand over my bed
disbelieving what they’re seeing

They say I must be one of the wonders
of God’s own creation
and as far as they can see they can offer
no explanation

Newspapers ask
intimate questions
want confessions
they reach into my head
to steal the glory
of my story

They say I must be one of the wonders
of God’s own creation
and as far as they as they see they can offer
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled & destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
“know this child will be able”
laughed as my body she lifted
“know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she’ll make her way”

People see me
I’m a challenge
to your balance
I’m over your heads
how I confound you
and astound you
to know I must be one of the wonders
of God’s own creation
and as far as you can see you can offer me
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled & destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
“know this child will be able”
laughed as she came to my mother
“know this child will not suffer ”
laughed as my body she lifted
“know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she’ll make her way”

 

 

Lyrics are © 1995 Elektra Entertainment Group

Quailday:PPU with Sara Rosenfeld Johnson

The Quail’s been a busy bird in terms of her eating in the last few months. This has probably been the most challenging area for us. Mostly it’s the learning curve of repeatedly finding out that you don’t know exactly what all is going on inside that little digestive tract and it’s openings. We’ve been doing oral-motor therapy since the Quail was about 5.5 months old under the supervision of our super OT Kathy. Last spring we had the opportunity to take part in one of Sara Rosenfeld Johnson’s traveling clinic and get a formal evaluation. This happened after our first swallow study and Upper GI and before the infamous duodenal stenosis repair. Since that time the Quail’s been on a bit of a diet yo-yo. Right after surgery she gained 2 lbs within a month. This isn’t too surprising considering that even with all the roadblocks she had to good nutrition she managed to plant her weight firmly at the 50% growth curve on the standard charts. As her food world has opened up, she has dived in with vigor. Since that time she has been working her way through Sara’s straw hierarchy and working on the bite tube set. She’s advanced to being able to chew a lot more soft, meltable type foods in a munching style. The straws have helped tremendously with tongue retraction and she does keep her tongue in its little warming hut most of the time. Both Kathy and Sara have been great about offering up and trying a variety of suggestions of oral-motor exercises and when one doesn’t work, getting rid of it and moving on to something else. Sara has been clear that the more enjoyable the activity is for the Quail the more successful we will be with the oral-placement therapy and the safer and happier eating will be with the added bonus of clearer speech as she grows.

Have I mentioned before how much of a…ahem…temper…the Quail can have when she doesn’t like or want to do something? There’s no bossing this girl around. We tried our best to be prepared for the program plan update. Sara comes through town 2 times a year and you can get a plan update, record the session and bring your entourage of therapists and family members along to learn the protocol and understand the therapy better. The Quail packs a roomful and we’re grateful for all the extra time out of everyone’s busy days that they have been able to muster to join us.

In preparation we repeated the swallow study last week in hopes of good news that maybe we could cease thickening her liquids. The straw hierarchy is supposed to be practiced with think liquids, but since it hasn’t been safe for the Quail we’ve thickened it to a nectar consistency since our swallow study last April. I guess what I found out is that I didn’t know exactly how aspiration and dysphagia worked. I thought as she got older and stronger she would have more control. The SLP who did the swallow study said that typically what happens is that when a growth spurt happens and her “equipment” grows; she has to work her muscles harder to achieve the same result. So her risk for aspiration may actually vary as she ages. She said that until she is 8-10 years old mentally we wouldn’t be able to intentionally work on swallowing exercises. So for now the best way to develop her skill is practice with safe foods. During this swallow study she showed micro and actual aspiration with liquids up to a honey consistency. This was disappointing because last April she was cleared for a nectar or thinner consistency with the liquids. It was noted though that with the honey consistency and an upright position and proper chin-tuck she showed no difficulty or aspiration when she drank through the therapeutic straw. So that was good news. The other issue was that while she munched meltables like Puffs, she was swallowing other solid foods whole. So the recommendations were to continue with the straw drinking and to work on chewing.

I’ll back up and say that at this point we have randomly tried various foods. There are some- like taffy, steak, deli meats that we instinctually knew not to try but others like cubed bits of apple or small bites of a chip and fruits that we have tried. Sometimes she’s gagged and thrown up and other times it’s just slipped on down. Sara pointed out with things like wet, slippery noodles and pieces of fruit that the Quail would briefly suck on the piece before swallowing it whole. She still has difficulty with tongue lateralization  and would flip the piece of food over in her mouth with her tongue rather than moving it back and forth. So we have an approved list of foods. I had typed up all of the ones she eats routinely before we went in. And we now are clear to not vary her diet for the immediate future from these items so we don’t endanger her.

Her biting has greatly improved, but is still pretty weak on her right side. So the best exercise for that- is chewing! Which the Quail is happy to assist with. We now will offer bite-size pieces of about a 1/4-inch to either molar, with double the offerings to the right or weaker side to give it a bit more of a work out.

We’re holding off on teaching her to spoon feed and restricting her independent feeding now too. Not because she isn’t capable of learning this. She really likes to feed herself and is happy to have you show her how to use a spoon hand over hand. But remember that temper I mentioned before? Well when she doesn’t like something she is a pistol. We want to preserve her willingness to let us in her mouth as long as possible. Sara felt confident that at some point in the near future, the Quail would most likely insist on feeding herself and at that point how frequently she lets us in her mouth for exercise and safety precautions would greatly diminish.

I felt a little sad at this change, not that I think the Quail will mind at all. She’s all for a personal feeder. But it did feel like going backwards in her progress. That being said, mealtimes have been extremely nerve-wracking for the last few months as we have watched her squirrel away food in her little cheeks and watched the morsels make a home just under the roof of her mouth as she struggles between trying to clear the food from her mouth and wanting to simultaneously stuff the food in her mouth as fast as she can get to it. So ultimately I think the slowing down is a wise and safe choice. She’ll get to independent feeding soon enough. It’s important she learn how to eat safely and build up her strength.

The other issue that felt like a step back was that for the next month we are going to thin out her purees and she will drink the main portion of her meal after she’s had chompers training with the table food. When we used the spoon to feed her she would push her tongue out in eagerness to get to the food and it would become a struggle to get her to use her lip to take the food off the spoon. In essence the spoon was encouraging tongue protrusion and undermining the work we had been doing with the straw and syringes on tongue retraction. So it’s smoothies and protein shakes for a while for this girl!

She did good with her Ellie Jiggler while we were there- which was surprising. She consistently bites the ear of poor Ellie at home. But with Sara’s practiced hand we were able to elicit one time. Sara felt that if she can do it then we work on it. But at the point in which we struggle with her to not bite it then we move on to another activity. She now will use the red and yellow chewy tubes for biting practice as well.

The other major change was that oral-motor exercises are now to be done at times other than mealtimes. In the last month or so the girl has been more than a little uncooperative as she salivates at the prospect of her meal coming and shoots withering looks and pteradactyl-like screams at our heads as we try to convince her that Ellie Jiggler is just as fun as a cheeseburger. Hopefully removing the exercises from mealtime will help make them and the mealtimes more pleasant all the way around.