31 for 21, Day 10- My baby is not a Down’s- let’s talk about language

I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

 

I’m taking a lead from Kaitlyn’s Korner and reblogging her reblog from Patty at To Love Endlessly

The correct name of this diagnosis is Down syndrome. There is no apostrophe (Down). The “s” in syndrome is not capitalized (syndrome).

An individual with Down syndrome is an individual first and foremost. The emphasis should be on the person, not the disability. A person with Down syndrome has many other qualities and attributes that can be used to describe them.

Encourage people to use people-first language. “The person with Down syndrome”, not “the Down syndrome person.” A person with Down syndrome is not “a Downs”.

Words can create barriers. Recognize that a child is “a child with Down syndrome,” or that an adult is “an adult with Down syndrome.” Children with Down syndrome grow into adults with Down syndrome; they do not remain eternal children. Adults enjoy activities and companionship with other adults.

It is important to use the correct terminology. A person “has” Down syndrome, rather than “suffers from,” “is a victim of,” “is diseased with” or “afflicted by.”

Each person has his/her own unique strengths, capabilities and talents. Try not to use the clichés that are so common when describing an individual with Down syndrome. To assume all people have the same characteristics or abilities is demeaning. Also, it reinforces the stereotype that “all people with Down syndrome are the same.”

Here are some basic guidelines for using People First Language:

1. Put people first, not their disability* A “person with a disability”, not a “disabled person”* A “child with autism”, not an “autistic child”

2. Use emotionally neutral expressions* A person “with” cerebral palsy, not “afflicted with” cerebral palsy* An individual who had a stroke, not a stroke “victim”* A person “has” Down syndrome, not “suffers from” Down syndrome

3. Emphasize abilities, not limitations* A person “uses a wheelchair”, not “wheelchair-bound”* A child “receives special education services”, not “in special ed”

4. Adopt preferred language* A “cognitive disability” or “intellectual disability” is preferred over “mentally retarded”* “Typically developing” or “typical” is preferred over “normal”* “Accessible” parking space or hotel room is preferred over “handicapped”

Guidelines from the National Down Syndrome Congress

http://www.theupsideofdowns.org/down-syndrome/proper-language-guide

Letters to my Loves

Dear Loves,

I promise to help you see that happiness is not dependent on circumstances.

Your happiness, your joy is you. It lies within you and is there for you to embrace or shun. This is one of the biggest lessons you will need to learn as you grown up. Those cookies, that doll, those shoes, that mo-mo lovey; this dream, that friend’s success or that friend or those tu-tus. Those “things” will not sustain your happiness over time.

Breed inner joy to sustain your happiness. Life happens for all of us- mostly it is not good or bad, mostly it just is.  It is our minds and attitudes that give parts of life power and meaning. My job as your parent is to help you think for yourselves, to know yourselves and to take responsiblity for yourself. None of us are not entitled to any particular life or lifestyle. We make a particular life or embrace a particular lifestyle. Whether we focus on our blessings or on the slights we feel is dependent only on ourselves.

I promise to help you understand this and take ownership of your own happiness and lives. I hope to help you both make the most out of the lives you have been given and the life you dream of.

You both are brimming with such joy and spirit naturally. I feel that when I am with you. I wish for you both the ability to be know and grow that part of yourselvs and have it as a deep well to return to it when you feel strained and drained.

Let your natural zest for life guide you both as your shining examples guide those that witness it.

Love Momma

Fave-O-Lit Friday- to Dear Gina

Sasha

Sasha

RIP dear friend- you will be sorely missed- when I think of you I think of our fun-filled college days and explorations. I also think of the domesticity  and goodness residing in you. One of my favorite memories is coming home to the smell of homemade chicken noodle soup in our apartment together in Madison.  Your compassion for the world and those in it around you inspired all who knew you. In homage of your love of life and animals- I post this poem- Love you Gina- please watch over us all.

Two Cats

by Katha Pollitt

It’s better to be a cat than to be a human.
Not because of their much-noted grace and beauty—
their beauty wins them no added pleasure, grace is
only a cat’s way

of getting without fuss from one place to another—
but because they see things as they are. Cats never mistake a
saucer of milk for a declaration of passion
or the crook of your knees for

a permanent address. Observing two cats on a sunporch,
you might think of them as a pair of Florentine bravoes
awaiting through slitted eyes the least lapse of attention—
then slash! the stiletto

or alternately as a long-married couple, who hardly
notice each other but find it somehow a comfort
sharing the couch, the evening news, the cocoa.
Both these ideas

are wrong. Two cats together are like two strangers
cast up by different storms on the same desert island
who manage to guard, despite the utter absence
of privacy, chocolate,

useful domestic articles, reading material,
their separate solitudes. They would not dream of
telling each other their dreams, or the plots of old movies,
or inventing a bookful

of coconut recipes. Where we would long ago have
frantically shredded our underwear into signal
flags and be dancing obscenely about on the shore in
a desperate frenzy,

they merely shift on their haunches, calm as two stoics
weighing the probable odds of the soul’s immortality,
as if to say, if a ship should happen along we’ll
be rescued. If not, not.

“Two Cats” by Katha Pollitt, from The Mind-Body Problem.

31 for 21: Day 9 Busting up a stereotype

screamin' mad

screamin' mad

 

Babies that have Down syndrome are not passive angels that are alway happy. They are regular babies with a full range of emotions just like any other baby. If you assume my baby who happens to have Down syndrome is filled with joy and wants to love everyone she meets; you will be sorely disappointed as she clearly notes that you are not one of her people if she hasn’t already met you and hung out with you. She will give you a cutting look and turn back to her people.

She knows us and if you take the time, she may get to know you.  You will have to earn her love, trust and respect the same as you have to earn mine.

Now that said; please do take the time to get to know her and let her get to know you.  She is awesome.

Quail Day- First Bites

 We started rice cereal this past weekend. With Zuzu we had started at 5 months when the first tooth popped. This time since we were still working on teaching the Quail to nurse we held off, and off, and off… and in the meantime she politely sat at the table in her highchair, mouth gaping and eyes trailing our every bite. She’s ready. Our first dear pediatrician who has since moved had told us we would know when the baby is ready to start to eat due to these very behaviors starting- when we see this it’s time to offer, and offer, and offer. The Quail who has always been excellent at getting her ZZZZs also had recently started waking twice a night to eat, oh say 8-11 oz at a crack. Kathy told us that was also a read flag that she was needing more than just the breastmilk. So the big day came and as you can see above she expressed a full range of emotion over this event. But generally has quickly adapted a full bowl of cereal into her nightly routine. Just 2 nights ago she was even up for seconds. The first few bites came right back out of her mouth. We were unsure if that was due to the tongue thrust issues you hear so much about or just regular baby-first-time-eating-food-on-this-planet sort of stuff. Probably a little of both. We had OT on monday and Kathy was able to help us with the assistance of her trusty syringe to see that the Quail could indeed gobble up her cereal with a little precise angling of it into the back of her mouth with near the 2nd molar spot. Alternating about .7 mg a side for a few and then reintroducing a very shallow spoon with a light press-down motion to the front of her tongue seemed to do the trick. The Quail definitely let us know when she had enough of the syringe and wanted the spoon and vice versa with a little stealthy blocking of the device. All in all she is a happy bird, sleeping a little more soundly in her nest at night. Now if only I could convince her not to practice her raspberries during dinner time….

31 for 21, Day 8- Let’s help a family figure out insurance re heart surgery

Jenee over at Kaitlyns Korner needs some help, friends. She is looking for another family that is in her same boat in regards to the following- they need to find another family that  lives in Michigan, has Priority Health insurance and has had heart surgery at MOTTS Children’s hospital at the University of Michigan. Due to privacy laws the insurance and hospital can’t give her names of who else has. If you have had this experience or know of a family who has- or can at least help get the word out to try to find another family then please check in with her.

corner view: a typical souvenir of your city

 

wild

wild

Welcome to corner view- hosted by Jane. Each week one of the participants picks out a theme and we all share what that topic represents in our little corner of the world. How fun to get to experience such a variety of excellent photography and world customs. Jane has readers all over the world. So brush up on your German and French- well most of the photographs speak for themselves when you know the theme; and come join us on a world-wide exploration. You’ll see that we are all more alike then different!

We are the Clemson Tigers! We have enjoyed our little place in the Blue Ridge foothills for just over 6 years now and do to dear Lovey’s privilige of tenure we will be making our roots here. We came by stream of vocation and will stay nestled in what we  now love. How very fortunate am I to have married a philosopher!

After last week’s corner view I found I had an eye that was not previously known. For the last week I have seen all of the white in my landscape and life- so beautiful and nourishing from the milk I make to the clouds above! I believe I will spend the next week looking a little closer at my town as well. Next week’s corner view is love- what a joy to ponder….

thanks for sharing your corner view! Come visit our neighbors in this wonderful world

31 for 21 Day 5- Meet the therapist

Meet Kathy- Our awesome OT

Meet Kathy- Our awesome OT

 

We just finished up with PT and OT for the day. And Kathy our dear OT will probably be sorry she mentioned to me that another family’s blog had her photo up- Sorry Kathy :).  But here’s the thing- the services we have been receiving from Pediatrics Unlimited are top-knotch. Our experience getting the Quail the services she needs to be all she can be has been a good example of the need for strong advocacy and the importance of trusting your instinct. Breastfeeding is important to me and more importantly it is an extremely important exercise to help the Quail strengthen her oral-motor muscles in order to assist in good speech clarity and as well as assist in minimizing future feeding issues. I’m aware of this from my own research. When we left the hospital after her birth the lactation consultant told me be sure to get our pediatrician to refer us to either a speech/language therapist or an occupational therapist because with her hypotonia or muscle weakness she was having great difficulty breastfeeding. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I had come home with a nursing plan after the birth of Zuzu and had spent more time in consult with the LC then with the pediatrician those first few months. Fortunately for all of us Zuzu became a comfort nurser which enabled her to continue to nurse during my pregnancy with the Quail when all the milk dried up. This in turn has been the greatest gift she could give her little sister. Because she has ensures me a grand milk supply I am able at 7 months post-partum to continue to pump daily and provide breast milk for the Quail while she continues to learn to nurse. This milk will help her through this vicious cold and flu season we are about to enter as well as giving her the opportunity to boost her IQ. We are all so grateful for this symbiotic relationship amongst us that Mother Nature has bestowed.

But I digress, after the Quail’s birth I started in on calling the LC that had been so helpful with Zuzu. She didn’t have much to offer- and let me tell you generally speaking the LC’s at this hospital are top-notch. But as I’m finding out- most people really don’t know much about working on feeding issues. They continued to say we should find a SLP or OT. After we got our Babynet (county early-intervention provider) services set up we got a referral made ton an SLP. Her goal was to get the Quail eating without taxing her and to ensure adequate nutrition and growth- especially considering her ventricular septal defect and the fact that the cardiologist informed us that the deciding factor between open heart surgery or not will be her growth- if she can maintain between the 30-70% on the Down syndrome Growth Charts then surgery would not be necessary. We spent the next 3 months going regularly to speech therapy and having the Quail hooked up to a monitor to check her oxygen saturation while she drank her bottle. I asked repeatedly what else we could do to work on breastfeeding. At the last appointment I finally asked directly for the SLP to give us a list of exercises to develop the breastfeeding skills she needed. She told me that there were no exercises that would teach that. We decided to hold off on therapy at that point since there wasn’t any progress being made we could witness. I started asking around to other families in the area trying to find another family that had experienced difficulties breastfeeding in the beginning but had gone on to have a successful nursing experience and find out what they had done. Another family in the area passed on Kathy Maxwell and Pediatrics Unlimited’s phone number and said to specifically ask for her. It took me a few weeks to work up the nerve, you know; you really do believe what people tell you when they have initials behind their name. When I finally called and explained our situation and asked if that was her opinion as well- that there are no exercises to teach a baby to breastfeed who isn’t doing it naturally; she said no- that is what she makes her living doing and while it would be difficult to start a 5 month old baby out, if we work hard and do the weekly exercises we could give it a try and she was willing. We went in the next week and have been going weekly ever since. If you go back and read The Quail updates here you will learn about the progress we have made. It is definitely two steps forward and one step back, it isn’t easy- but The Quail is making so much progress and the closeness of our relationship (when she isn’t screaming at me to stop trying to make her breastfeed) is lovely. Of course the lemons to lemonade version of her screaming and fighting me on breastfeeding is two-fold- we’ve had the opportunity to witness the blossoming of an incredible will in her and hey- it strengthen’s her neck and arm muscles as she continually pushes off 🙂

So the lesson in all of this is this- trust your instinct- if you think your child is capable of something then don’t let someone tell you different- find that partner that can help you and your child out. Not every therapist will be a match with every child- and many have very different styles and training. And if you live in the Upstate of South Carolina and are in need of someone with excellent skills with teaching a baby to eat- call Kathy.

The Quail got her cereal “training” today and she is so very excited- and with Kathy’s expertise we are confident she will grow into the little foodie lifestyle that the rest of her family embraces.

PS- And Kathy if you are reading this- we really do appreciate you- you inspire us and hearten us. Thank you so very much-