Joining Lisa-Jo Baker’s friday ritual of a five minute writing exercise on a topic she gives. If you care to join in come here.
I look down and see a tear start in her eye and feel one start in my heart. I am tired. Tired and not able to hear Zuzu’s needs at the speed in which they zoom from her brain to her heart to her mouth. I say it too often. I think it daily. I feel it when I need to lie down just for a few more minutes. At 6:05 am, when the chatter is next to my ear before I’ve even had time to say good-bye to my dream and caffeinate for the day ahead. At 8:19pm, when I intended for them to be in bed already snoring softly. When one child’s crying lets up just as the cascade of the other’s tremolo starts up. Before I can tell myself I have said it enough; the words hang in the air. Really, enough with my words, my thoughts. I want it to be. I want the energy needed to stay present and focused. I want my brain to stop crying from the oversort it needs to do to filter in what they really are asking for. What they really are saying to me. I know years from now; months from now, it won’t be enough. It never is. I bend down, I wipe her tear from her eye, apologize and ask Zuzu to repeat what she just said. She smiles. She hugs my neck and bounds off…