Do you know how truly blessed you are? I do. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I get edgy, angry, impatient, ruffled, tired, self-centered, sick, greedy, jealous, frustrated….  The list of ugly adjectives go on and on. But that’s not who I need to be. It’s not who I want to be. It’s what I try to work my little self away from. Since my husband and children have come into my life my heart has grown infinitely. Thank goodness. I think of before them and I can’t remember how I spent my time, what I thought about, the rhythm to those days. Sometimes the rhythm of these days get to me too.

The Quail and I spent most of last week in the hospital, a little scared, a little tired, a little anxious, but mostly just with each other. It’s the most undivided time I have had the good fortune to have with this baby. When she was born; Lovey and I did stay the regulation two days in the hospital but it was filled with fear and worry about what was going on and what was to come. This time I was healthy and just there to care for my baby.  Those of you with more than one child know what I mean. You never again that undivided, focused attention on your children. Even when you are with one, a part of your heart is beating for the other. You cannot know how deliciously undivided your mind and time were with your first child until you have your second and you think back and wonder what all the worry and fretting was about. It’s one of life’s ironies isn’t it- that inability to see how easy something is until the circumstance has changed so unalterably. And yet, you don’t want to alter that circumstance.You can’t and you hope and you pray that you’ll never have to.

So we are now home from the hospital. We came home in a rush of good cheer to find that the rosy cheeks on Zuzu were not due to her holiday spirit. Within an hour her fever spiked, her throaty cough deepened and her polite asking for Momma to stay with her because she didn’t feel good broke my heart. We put her to bed with Motrin after what she delightedly called her “breathing treat” and gratefully albeit fretfully watched her sleep through the night. The next morning her fever spiked even higher and a call to the doctor was made. My concern was that neither her nor her sister have had the booster shot for the H1N1 flu. But wise Lovey pointed out she also has a snotty, runny nose so most likely she is carrying the RSV virus like her sister and has not acquired a new illness altogether. The doctor said to keep an eye on her and if she isn’t experiencing any breathing difficulty then bring her into the office tomorrow to be checked. So we are. The Motrin seem to have brought her temperature back down to the low 100’s and she is still a cheerfully, polite, helpful little soul that has artfully designated her cough pocket as one side of her jammy-clad elbows and her sneeze pocket as the other.

So the house is quietly being mended with everything working its way back to its place. The pecan kringle is warming in the oven, Andy William’s is ready to spin on the record player and our Christmas tree is filling our souls and home with the scent of fir. The small ones are napping now and once they awaken we’ll begin trimming the tree, hanging our stockings, drinking our eggnog & making the best of our altered Christmas plans. We are sad we won’t be traveling to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s home for Christmas but will continue to read our picture books about snow and wear our parka’s out into the chilled southern air.  We are oh so very grateful for Nana Dori’s willingness to change her busy holiday plans to come be with us, watch over the small ones and add festive touches of grace around our warm home. We’ll make it through with our bells jingling and stories of Santa. We may not be able to entertain or partake in most of our favorite holiday festivities this year- but that’s ok. We are blessed to be home huddled together and know that all of you out there are on our minds and in our hearts. Our Christmas packages may not make it to you by the 25th but hopefully they will arrive soon after. Our Christmas cards are here and we will be sending them off in the week to come.

Much love and gratitude for all your love and concern-