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Mommaday: Dear new Momma…

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The Quail

Dear New Momma,

 When I heard of your worry over the diagnosis your upcoming baby has received; that they may have Down syndrome and that you are scared,  I had a lot of things to say about the history of people with disabilities and the injustices they have endured throughout time. This morning when I woke up thinking about you again and your worries, I realized this was not the time to try to educate you on the world of disability. I say this as a person who has known and loved people with disabilities my entire life, family members, people in school, people in my jobs and fortunately now my sweet girl. The time will come when you are seeking that history on behalf of the child you know and love in order to be a strong advocate for him. But for now- now is not the time for you to gear up for that. You will know when that time comes. You have already advocated for your baby in the best way you can- by choosing to have him. It is a brave choice. You are having a sweet baby- a baby you will be a better person for having and knowing. Stand with us and let us guide you. Get to know us and the real stories of the real children who have Down syndrome that we raise every day of our lives- do not let others you don’t know fill your head with stereotypes that are born out of their sorrow, their guilt or their ignorance. Those of us in this forum, we have made the choice that you are making. Whether we had a pre-natal diagnosis or not- we’ve chosen to mother our children. No one can tell you what your child will be capable of- but I promise you- your child will know you, will love you, will want to please you, will achieve milestones. He will bring you great joy and you will be continually amazed by the tiniest and grandest things he does. You will get more out of your child by ten-fold then what you put in to him. Maybe a year from now, you will want to know the history, the culture, the great people and forces that have brought the world of disability into a strong place in our world- a place where we have the right to expect equal rights for every human being- regardless of ability. We will be here to help you with that when the time comes. The people who will stand with you and your child- they are strong and good and kind and intelligent and ready when you need them.

For now, you have a sweet baby in you who already loves you enough to make his way here. Turn your back on those naysayers. They are going to do nothing but needlessly upset you- and I promise you their information is not born out of fact and reality- it is born out of fear and a need to justify choices they made—it has nothing to do with you and your baby. They do not know what your child will be capable of. Any child presents struggles, challenges and more blessings then you deserve.

ANY. CHILD.

EVERY CHILD deserves someone who believes in them, and for your baby- that’s you Momma. It’s your calling- embrace it. Soon you’ll embrace him. The Down syndrome will not be his biggest struggle, other people’s ignorance will be.

Love,

another momma

PS: This letter was written for a very specific someone who was struggling with other’s scare-tactics around her decision to continue her pregnancy after having received a diagnosis that her baby has Down syndrome. If you find yourself in that same situation- know that this letter is for you as well. You can also go here and here for more support, love and information. We’re here for you too. 

Today is World Down syndrome Awareness Day. 3/21; as in 3 copies of that 21st Chromosome. Today is a day we celebrate our beloveds and shout about it from rooftops. If you or someone you love has Down syndrome- well; you are just blessed. Blessed like our sweet family.

Mommaday: starfish

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 Remember dear Olga? Well guess what? Her forever family has found her! Miss Olga is about to become one of the Abell’s!!! Patti truly paved the path for a miracle to happen. She and her family; through the caring hearts of her readers were able to raise over $12,000 towards Olga’s adoption grant! That was amazing to me, and in such a short amount of time. A true testament to the power of people who care. The Abell’s have committed to bringing Olga home, and this money most definatel helps- it is a good bit of the cost to bring a child home through an international adoption. That being said they need our help. Could you consider possibly donating or posting about Olga to help continue to raise funds and awareness? If you think you could- go to their adoption blog and donate via their Chip-in. Link them on your facebook page, tweet them, blog about them. Help them, help Olga. This little girl is counting on us all!

Momma Day: The heart of our home

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Our favorite photographer; Ms. Molly is giving away a lifestyle photography session. Of course we had to enter. To enter you needed to send in a picture and write a short essay on the heart of your home.  The skinny is this- if you are on Facebook, first “like” Molly Flanagan Photography, then go through the photos and stories and “like” the one you like best! The story with the most “likes” wins a free session and 5×5 photobook. She received over 140 entries and sadly, we were not a finalist. That being said- we love Molly and can’t wait to vote ourselves! Below was our entry- which I thoroughly enjoyed writing. 

The heart of our home beats fiercely outside of my chest these days. It lies in the sparkling eyes and easy giggles of the youngsters that run it; both the home and our heart. That is the simple answer.

What challenges me and inspires me is motherhood itself. When Zuzu came into our lives, she gave me the heart a mother. When the Quail made her way into our family, she gave me the voice of a mother.  I may have gotten my running shoes with Zuzu but I learned how to run with the Quail. The days being a working mother of two small ones are tiring. Now in our lives there are things that have to be done. Our rhythms and routines as a family flow out of the energy, needs, and wants of two small headstrong children who firmly know their rightful place in our lives. This, is incredibly challenging. Most days I feel like the goal of regular existence is just too high and I find that I have fallen short of my good intention yet again. The laundry went into the washer, but never made it out. The therapist is coming to our house two minutes before I will arrive home from work and last night’s dinner dishes are still on the counter.  The living room floor is still covered with the same toys I tripped over this morning when I was looking for my lost keys to get headed to work. The children want the yogurt in the refrigerator for their dinner but their Dad and I need to debate how long it keeps after the expiration date yet again.  The four year old is dragging the two year old down the hall by her feet and I need to go check to see if the shrieking is laughter or tears.

Eight o’clock finally hits and the jammied little loves start to scurry around with last minute bedtime preparations. Night-night waves and blown kisses are sent on a wing and a prayer to all our favorite furry friends by the two year old. The hunting down of the lovey-of-the-moment and water cups begin to the tune of the four year olds’ begging to be read, “Just one more book, Momma!” until plea’s to sleep with us just tonight take over again.

Then, they’re asleep. The house is quiet and we grown-ups are worn out. I think back to all those little nuisances of the daily grind; the still-wet laundry, the strewn about dishes and toys, the lost keys and the yogurt. I start thinking of my gratitude list that I keep to remind myself of how very blessed I am when I can’t quite seem to articulate it to myself in the moment of the storm. I am thankful for that abundance of clothes we have to wash and the washer in our home that does it. I am thankful for the dishes that were wedding gifts and remind me of that special day we began this blessed journey. I am thankful that we have too many toys that thrill and develop our children’s minds and bodies and a home floor to scatter them on. I am thankful that we didn’t have to eat the yogurt. And most of all- I am thankful that those shrieks typically are giggles. That those precious girls of mine light up at the sight of each other and are here in our lives now with us and each other. This inspires me.

We were fortunate enough to have dear Molly come visit us at our home last spring. This picture captures us as living and breathing love. It’s a still moment in time of a sweet family that is so very blessed to go through their days together. This family, it gets tired. It gets cranky. It gets overwhelmed. And then, those children reach out for us weary grown-ups and miraculously know that we need a hug, a gummie or a kiss,  and with the grace of angels, bestow it on us and then run full-speed back into their own independent little lives.

What I want to preserve is that love and connection between the four of us before it is watered down by life going on. I love photographs. I take too many. I want to be in them when they are gifted to my grown-up children. I can’t think of a photographer better able to capture that.

Mommaday: Snow Day!

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While we don’t get very many of these here- we do get just enough for them to be as exciting as a holiday! And that being said, we didn’t get this many snow days is Wisconsin since the government and individuals were equipped to deal with the white stuff when it came. Here we shut down. Usually it melts by midday. At least it always has since we’ve lived here. This snowstorm is like an artic blast from our past though. We got 6-12 inches on the ground. The trees are gloriously frosted and the cardinals are a shock of color against the stark white. It’s cold though. My bones have become southern and not so into being out there. I went out,snapped a few pictures and hurried back inside to root out pancake and bean soup supplies from the pantry. Lovey on the other hand, hauled himself deep into our attic to locate his cross-country skis and surf wax and merrily made himself ready to embark down the lane.  The girls were a mix in-between. Fleecy jammies layered over their cottony counterparts had to suffice for their winterwear. Any day that requires a jammy uniform has its highpoints in our books.

Zuzu would have happily stayed out for hours. This being a huge change from winter’s past. Last year might of been the first time she frolicked. Early attempts at an introduction to snow outside of our storybooks brought on many tears. And you know how well tears go with snow- they freeze! The Quail is still at that point and since this snow is too deep for tooling around in a wagon she spend most of the snow time inside looking out. Which suited her just fine after she felt the alternative.

So for your viewing pleasure- a southern snowday!

Mommaday: better than….

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last year I think! It was a quiet holiday this year. We’re still trying to figure out what all we can manage with 2 little ones underfoot  I’m always so impressed with these families of small ones who still manage to put on a big festive feast in their own home. I have absolutely no idea how you manage it. We were fortunate to be invited back to the large Thanksgiving day gathering of a good friend that we attended last year.

This family is kind enough to open their home on the holiday to their graduate department who isn’t able to make it home to their families and a few other of us transplanted souls. They are excellent cooks and party hosts and we always look forward to an invitation to their home. This year we did have a few lingering coughs of colds gone by floating around our house but nothing too serious compared to last year! Gosh- last year by this time we had already had one emergency room visit for a sick Quail and still had gunk being passed around between us all. Come the actual holiday break I was down in bed for most of it. This year while we didn’t have any company staying with us, and I forgot the memory card to our camera when we were with friends we managed a very laid-back set of festivities. Zuzu happily ran around with a couple of her buddies from school. The Quail was mobile enough to to keep herself and us on our toes, but not quite mobile enough to keep herself from needing rescuing every few minutes. We managed to make a pumpkin pie with the remains of our Halloween bounty and were in charge of the yummy carrot bake from the year before. I mail-ordered our favorite Tom & Jerry mix, but we were so happily stuffed that we didn’t even break it out until a post-holiday get together with another family of friends.

On friday we managed to clean up our nest- which is a feat in and of itself and our other dear family feast friends came over to partake in the mythical BBQ from Texas that Uncle Scott had sent us last spring when the Quail had her surgery. We had kept it in our freezer and repeatedly told mythical tales of its smoky tenderness. These friends have a 3 month old as well as a spritely 2 year old and were kind enough to bring along an apple galette as well as a batter for pop-overs. Which I think might just become my new favorite bread product.

We rounded our our weekend with a little outdoor playtime, some cookie baking and coco-drinking and multiple sightings of the Momma sign! Yay!!!!

We were also invited to a sweet birthday party for 1 year old twins. There home and friends and family were all so lovely. Zuzu didn’t want to leave. While she can be shy occasionally, this time she managed to walk right up to just about every kid within a foot of her height, introduce herself and invite them to play. The Quail was also delighted to not be the youngest of the group and enjoyed her status as the toddler, whispering to the twins about their year to come.

All in all a nice weekend with plenty of relaxed home-time which is often in short demand here. Hope your holiday was just as bright!