Zuzu & Quailday: When your cyber-world steps out of the computer….

I am a lucky girl to have a cyber-sisterhood of supportive friends who share in the miracle of trying to conceive with me. I’ve known this group since 2005 when Lovey and I first started trying to grow our family in earnest. Early on it wasn’t easy. We had 2 early miscarriages that year. As I searched for answers on the internet I came across a group on a Babycenter message board of women who shared our struggles and amazingly offered up a whole new world of advice, love and support. They helped me to know what questions to ask and of whom. Many of them had met years before and had been through the stages of the process that we were just starting. Some had their miracles already and others were still working their way through the process. Most of all we cheered each other through this difficult time. Since then we have been there with each each other through more losses, emergency surgeries, fertility treatments, lengthy bedrests, genetic testing and diagnoses, failed adoptions, medical and personal worries, and thankfully more miracles. While none of us are strangers to loss, the loss we all have experienced is our own unique and yet combined story.

Many of my cyber sisters are stepping up together this spring to walk for all babies in the March of Dimes “March for Babies”. A team has been formed to raise money for MOD in the name of one of the most recent and tragic losses of our dear cyber-sister whose precious baby girl Danielle was born sleeping last September, just weeks shy of her due date. The outpouring of love and support and help to her during this sad period from a group that met online is simply amazing to me. We should all be so blessed to know hearts as kind as these in our lives.

If you would like to donate to the March of Dimes March for Babies in Danielle’s dear name, join us here.

I’ve only had the good fortune to meet one of this group of 27 women in real life. Yet I don’t know what I would do without their support and love. They are family now- they are my cyber-sisters, their children, my children’s cyber-cousins.People that I hope to know the rest of my life- and one day in real life.

This winter since a number of our children are no longer babies and are well entrenched in childhood. We decided collectively to do a round of Flat Stanley and send paper versions of our little loves around the country visiting each other. I first mentioned it here with a picture of Flat Zuzu & Flat Quail.

Being a bit more homebound these days growing the newest little miracle it was fun to spend some one on one time with each girl crafting. Zuzu loved to pick the patterns for her flat’s clothes and remained true to her fashionista self. I was impressed with her scissor skills as was she as she kept saying, ” I can’t believe a cut a leotard!!!”.

When Zuzu was ready for a nap that day, her sister woke up full of craftiness. She practiced with her new scissors and took on the clothes pattern picking and gluing like an ole pro.

As life often imitates art, there was a slight unfortunate event involving Flat Zuzu’s hair that resembled 3D Quail’s love of hair-pulling a bit too closely.  It required a bit more cutting and gluing before mailing. And there was much debate with Zuzu over all the extras that she wanted to send along: Flat Sugarplum, Flat Chulacat, a Flat Suitcase, Flat Stuffed animals, Flat Momma, Flat Daddy… in the end the Flat Sistred were sent off solo and together on their adventures around the country.

Some of my cyber-sisters have started blogs devoted to them with the intention of making their own paper books for the kids once their Flats have returned home. I love this idea and we decided we would just categorize our Flat adventures for future reference here.

Meet a few of our Flat Cyber-cousins:

Flat Nathan

Flat Roman

Flat Vincent

Flat Zuzu & Flat Quail are currently in Kentucky with 3D Daniel & Katie and enjoying themselves quite thoroughly. Stay tuned for more on their adventures…

Happy Birthday Dear Quail-ee-Oh! Oh how we love you!

Happy Birthday Quailee! Today is your 3rd birthday. We are so blessed to be your family. What a phenomenal little one you are. Your birthday party is coming up next month and we’ll share our gratitude for you soon. But for now I’d like to note some of your favorite things right now and throughout this past year as you have blossomed into such a, well, such a YOU of a person. Much love…

The Quail’s Favorite Things:

Favorite TV Show: Dora the Explorer (With Barney running a close second)

Favorite Breakfast: apple/prune smoothie, kefir and a bowl of Tastee-O’s

Favorite Lunch: pancakes with zzzzzzzzz (that’s her word for whipped cream)

Favorite Dinner: Chicken nuggets with ketchup

Favorite Fruit: Bananas & Raisins (I’d be hard pressed to say which is number 1)

Favorite Veggie: none if she can help it, but she willing drinks a green-bean smoothie with dinner each night

Favorite Dessert: yes. Just be sure to offer her one, I will say in a mixed batch of Holiday treats she did go for the brownies routinely, and at one of our favorite bakeries she picks the gingerbread man each and everytime inspite of the soft swirls of frosting on every cookie around them.

Favorite Drink: Kefir

Favorite Color: yellow

Favorite Restaurant: McDonalds- and please be sure to get her the Cheeseburger happy meal, hold the fries. If you don’t she’ll swipe yours.

Favorite Sport: gymnastics and rascalin’ with her Stister

Favorite Toy: her duck-ducks that she sleeps with, pretend food and dishes and baby dolls

Favorite Song: “We Did it!” from Dora the Explorer, although turn on a peppy or sweet tune and you are almost guaranteed a dance partner.

Favorite Book: yes. Girlfriend loves to look through books and be read to.

Best Friend: Mariah & Zuzu

Favorite Day of the week: I think every day. Monday is gym class, tuesday is happy meal night, wednesday she sees her buddies Monique and Amy, thursday she sees Jodie and Suzy and friday she sees Melissa, Karen and Ashley and weekends are homedays with her familial peeps. She goes to school Monday through Friday and loves her teachers Miss Christil and Miss Shaina. Yes alot of those are therapists, but the Quail loves to go to school and is pretty territorial over her personal one-on-one time when her favorite grown-ups come to play

Favorite Time of the day: playing peek-a-boo through the crib rails with Daddy, when she sees Momma (or Daddy) picking her up from school- (love the greeting like it’s been months since she last saw us!) and night-night time when she snuggles into your shoulder and then asks you to kiss her duck-ducks before she snoozes off

Favorite Outfit: her coat- it mean’s we’re headed out on an adventure!

Favorite place to go: school and home- I’d say there is an equal level of excitement for both arrivals

sunday still life

Sunday Still Life is an evolving photography project; a weekly invitation to pause the busy of our days, to re-center and celebrate the beauty and depth of life. If you are inspired to join in, please leave a link in Erin’s comments.

I know, this is a bit literal if not downright silly, but I think this is about as “still” as life gets in our house these days! Actually this was fun. Some cyber-buddies have decided to do a Flat Stanley round and we decided to join in! That’s the Flat Quail to the left and Flat Zuzu to the right. Shortly before they were to be sent off, unfortunately 3D Quail got a hold of Flat Zuzu and pulled her hair, not unlike what often happens in real life. It was a pretty quick fix though and our Flats are off to Kentucky for their first stop. We don’t have much crafting home time here and so while what seems like a simple project ended up taking up most of the day, it was nice to have some one-on-one time with each girl to make their flat. Zuzu was so proud of her cutting prowess as she dressed her in a pink leotard and the Quail was an excellent gluestress! Both girls picked out outfit patterns and colors that seem to embody them as well. Bright, cheerful, patterned and full of their favorite colors. Zuzu wanted to pack a full bag for Flat Zuzu not surprisingly but we ran out of time before we had to get them in the mail. Maybe when our Flat buddies arrive we can make them some treats for their travels!

Quailday: The Quail’s Speech…

  

Which by the way, did you see that movie, “The King’s Speech”? Loved it. So very good. Especially to a family that has some dyspraxia issues of their own going on!

In the last year, I’ve mentioned our multitude of therapeutic interventions regarding speech on behalf of the Quail here and here. When we last left you there was some concern over helping the Quail achieve “Volitional Airflow”, or her ability to make some noise purposefully. We started with Sara Rosenfeld Johnson’s horn hierarchy last summer. By late August we had a toot. The, um, upper respiratory kind. No issues on the lower tract, her and her sister find deep and abiding joy trying to “out-toot” each other. This fall we had a consistent sound coming out of the “pre-horn” and went ahead and ordered the full set of horns. The 1st horn came fairly easy to her in terms of airflow. So, check, we now have volitional airflow.

We have pretty good oral-motor strength as well. We still do daily exercises, but generally speaking, the Quail is capable of chomping the full buffet of toddler foods offered at her school each day, sans drinks. Last summer’s swallow study had let us reduce the thickness of her liquids with the understanding that they must still all be consumed in a cup with her therapeutic straw. If it was cold, then half-nectar thickness would work, if it was room temperature than we are to stick with nectar. We typically mix the drinks up ourselves at home and send them “pre-thickened” into school. It’s just easier for everyone that way.

Last fall we visited the cyber-home of Lisa & Sheridan and became enthralled with their apraxia links and videos. When I watched Sheridan talk, I felt like I was seeing a future Quail. We noted the tools they use to help him with his speech and asked our local SLP to look into Kaufman Cards for us. Since they carry a hefty price tag we wanted to be certain they would fly with our bird before a formal purchase. Generally speaking though, learning by flashcard is the Quail’s go-to for new skills. Our SLP borrowed the local school district set and we started practicing. We then started generalizing the skill to the books we look at routinely. Instead of asking the Quail to say a given word, we started asking her to say an approximation of it with the sounds we know she has already mastered (mostly vowels).

I swear it was like a light-bulb snapped on as her face lit up and she happily chortled back the sounds we were asking for that she already knew she was capable of. It was the first consistent set of vocal imitations we have been able to pry from her.

So what does this look like for her? Take her favorite Dora the Explorer Halloween book. When we flip through it, I’ll point to an object. Previously, I would have said, “Look at the ghost! Can you say ghost?” To which she would have done one of 5 things:

1. Remained silent

2. Thrown the book

3. Shook her head no

4. Gotten up and walked away

5. Smacked me with the book or her hand

Now, after learning about asking for a speech approximation that she can be successful with, instead I’ll say, “Look at the ghost! The ghost says, “booooooo!” Can you say oooooooooo?” And this birdy- She grins and belts out, “OOOOOOOOOO” and cheers for herself.

That folks, is a little bridge of understanding between us and her. So since this discovery we’ve been using the skill wherever we can.  

That all began last October 2011. While she may not hit the target dead-on, she’s been picking up her bow and filing through a steady quiver of arrows. Over the weekend, Zuzu was so delighted in this recent development that she decided to institute doorway passwords. I heard a door close and the Quail go toddling up to it hollering her usual “Da,Da,Da” request to be included. Then I heard Queen Zuzu say, “Nooooooo….if you want to come in, say yellow.” Without missing a beat the Quail whispers her best “ye-yow”. Zuzu then says, “Say raisin!” to which the Quail whispers, “Sai-sen”.  Zuzu adds for good measure, “Say Oval!” That tolerant birdie, whispers “Oval.” Zuzu, who at this point has got to be aware one of the grown-folk are now headed to intervene, adds a final, “Say apple!” to which the Quail says more forcefully as I’m about to open the door between them, “affle!” An odd assortment of words? Um, yes, not entirely clear why these words make it out, and seemingly less complex ones are beyond reach, but thrilled none the less to add them to our regular calendar of dinnertime topics! Queen Zuzu has really been instrumental in drawing little words from her sister. If Zuzu asks her to try to say something, the Quail beaming from the attention of her hero, happily complies.

Then on the night of November 21, 2011- my dear Quail, well she said something so heartwarming I swooned and tucked her in close. I know it was prompted, but after 2 years and 9 months of regular prompting- the first response is still oh so sweet. It was bedtime and as I hugged the Quail close, I whispered in her ear, “Night-night, Love you- say ove ou!” and I felt the breathe of her little words on my neck, “ove ooo”. Swoon…..

The other bittersweet happening over the new year is her clear articulation of the letter m. I know they say m,p and b generally come first, but for her that has not been the case. After months (since last May to be exact) of practicing our girl can say mmmmmm. Which happily has enabled her to say, “Momma”. Sweetness right? The bitter part is this happens to coincide with a round of separation anxiety, which amounts to morning departures that are amplified with the pitiful wailings of, “Momma, momma, wahhhhhhh!!!!!” as I head out to work in the morning. Sigh. Fortunately her oh-so-resourceful Daddy has turned morning time departures into a gathering of well-wishings full of kisses, hugs and cheers for a happy day to each of us and that seemed to quell her anxieties.

As I mentioned, the order in which she’s learned her consonants has been odd. She can do an approximation of almost the entire alphabet consistently now with the exception of P and B, the ones that should have come first. P and B have been coming out as a lip-smack-kissy sound until this January 2012. We’ve tried a multitude of approaches to correct this including the Apraxia shapes that gave us the sound mmmmm, ooooo, ooohhhh and ahhhh. But our bird would just kiss on the P and B shapes. Fortunately we had a program plan update planned for January 2012 with Sara Rosenfeld Johnson. Since Sara last saw her in May 2011, she has also improved her lip closure and rounding for function and now has adequate tongue retraction during function and at rest. Essentially, despite her difficulty with clarity she has become more willingly chatty. Despite all of the noted improvements p and b remain somewhat elusive to her. And as charming as her kissy version of them is, we have been mystified as to how to correct it.

I know many folks in the Ds community think that we are over-analyzing her difficulty talking. That it is just the Down syndrome itself causing the delay. The literature says that expressive speech is not fully articulated till closer to 4-6 years of age. And our bird doesn’t turn 3 until the latter part of February 2012. The problem for us is that the Quail seems to have lost speech in the last year. The Down syndrome literature does not say anything about that. And throughout all of our IFSPs our EI has always said when she starts to slip in an area then we need to consider why that is. In every other developmental area the Quail has made leaps and bounds, either maintaining her developmental age range or in the case of cognitive, social and self-help leaping up a few months. Speech is the one area that has slipped. So we’ve talked with our SLP and with SRJ about the possibility of apraxia being the culprit. Her receptive language this fall measured 98 on the PLS 5. When you remove her sign language from the expressive equation her score dropped from 82 to 77 giving her an overall total language score of 89 with sign and 86 without. Sara felt that this drop was not significant enough for a full-fledged apraxia diagnosis when we saw her in Jan 2012. It was concerning that her receptive is outpacing her expressive. Since she now has all the other necessary components for expressive speech we are left to think that her severe motor planning disorder is manifesting as a speech dyspraxia. This makes sense as we think back over how her other developmental skills have developed. She generally has a great deal of difficulty performing any given task (crawling, walking, signing, feeding herself, playing with toys) until she’s been able to go over the act in a repetitive fashion for a number of weeks to months. Once she has it firmly under her belt, we don’t hear complaints, tantrums or refusals from her anymore.

This girl knows what she knows and also what she doesn’t know and let me tell you, she does not want to be put on display with what she doesn’t know. And frankly, who can blame her? Do any of us enjoy that?

So in January at our PPU with SRJ, we explained how perplexed we were over the P/B mystery. Sara watched us practice the first horn with her and immediately noted that although we had her blowing it up to almost 25 times in a row, we weren’t removing it from her mouth between blows. She needed to do this in order to move her mouth in the proper way to get a p or b sound out. She also gave us a new activity with our z-vibe and the yellow spoon tip (hoping that the yellow color would eventually generalize her back over to the yellow apraxia shape) that was both fun for her and silly. We would turn on the vibration and utter a “b” sound as we tapped it on her leg and arm working our way up to her lips where she could purse them on the spoon and then produce the sound herself. I tell you it was like magic. I would say it was within days of this correction that we started hearing her attempts at quiet little b sounds. Now she giggles and tells us which leg to start the z-vibe on. She doesn’t always produce the b sound, but her consistency is growing. For now we are focusing on the B.

That’s the long and short of it. Since this burst of inspiration we’ve also started adding her school buddies name into the fold of dinnertime conversations asking if she has played with one child or another that day. You can totally see her eyes light us as we make our way around to her favorite, “Mariah” as she grins, giggles and utters “Ry-a”!!!! Now as to whether her and Mariah played nicely or met in Thunderdome that day, well that’s a story for another day.

sunday still life

Sunday Still Life is an evolving photography project; a weekly invitation to pause the busy of our days, to re-center and celebrate the beauty and depth of life. If you are inspired to join in, please leave a link in Erin’s comments.

See her over there? The littlest gymnast? Eyeing that rope right alongside the big kids? Yeah, that’s our little daredevil. A couple of weeks ago she passed her neck X-ray looking for atlanto-axial instability which is common in little ones with Down syndrome with flying colors. To celebrate Lovey signed her up for the parent/tot gymnastics class at the school her sister goes to. Apparantly she dug it. Other than a little perplexed look crossing her face at the closing “wiggle” dance the others perfomed. But I’m sure that’s coming.

This weekend we brought her along to a birthday party for some bigger kids that her sister was looking forward to. We assumed she wouldn’t actually participate but figured she could bounce on the littler trampolines while her sister joined in the festivities. Girlfriend was not to be left out. We grown-ups got swiped at when we tried to prevent her from cutting in line for her turn and run away from when we tried to keep this squirt out of the way of the bigger gymnasts.

This rope though? Clearly she was too small for that. But no, she wiggled her way out of Lovey’s arms to plant herself firmly next. And when Lovey and the teacher lifted her up to it she hung on for dear life and giggled her way across the mat, proud as anything!

She’s a constant reminder, this little firecracker of ours to not make ANY assumptions of what another human being is capable of. Give em a chance for pete’s sake!

And I’m pretty sure she just earned herself her very own gymnastics party to celebrate all 3 years of her yummy self!

sunday still life

Sunday Still Life is an evolving photography project; a weekly invitation to pause the busy of our days, to re-center and celebrate the beauty and depth of life. If you are inspired to join in, please leave a link in Erin’s comments.

She’s not the baby anymore, this Quail-eo of ours. She’s firmly headed towards little-girldom. More and more I find her imitating her big sister. When I get to witness moments like this- my momma-heart swells with pride. In all our “baby” can do now, and also in what a big girl our Zuzu has become. It’s moments like this when I can see her kind heart and soul and her desire to connect each of us to one another.

“Let’s practice our arabesque Quailee!”

And off they go….

Quailday: Bird Growth…

In addition to the growth of her vocabulary our bird; who earlier this fall lept into her 2T pants, 3T fall shirts (with a slightly rolled sleeve cuff remaining) and size 6  shoes (which I swear had just been a 4 weeks earlier), started sporting size 7 shoes and 3T Christmas Jammies!!!! I had poured over the choices at the store wishing I could mix and match tops and bottoms just knowing that she needed a 3T top to cover her bowl full of jelly, but knowing that the long pant size would certainly cause more than a couple of bumps and bruises. Well she donned them this weekend and proudly ran off with the cuffs at her ankles. I’m certain it has to just be the style of the pant and a slight irregularity in the making of the pant that it fits, but regardless our bird has grown and bares very little resemblance to her her previous 2 year old toddling self of this summer. I remember the striking difference when Zuzu turned 3  and marveling at how much she had changed since she was 2. It seemed like a change that should have been heralded in the parenting books as worthy of proclamation as the change from fetus to newborn, newborn to one year old and one to two. She was no longer a baby. I think with the Quail’s growth pattern being more like watching a rose slowly unfold I had told myself not to expect the same level of change between 2-3.

That 2 year old, she was still my sweet baby. This almost 3 year old, is stunningly and heart-warmingly little kiddish, and now with the swift size to match.

Zuzuday: The Twinkle Brigade

Zuzu was in her first parade. Anyone that knew me in childhood knows that I do not love a parade. Growing up they were in summer and winter- harsh weather, itchy band uniforms coupled with a slightly anxious disposition created much turmoil in my young head and bladder. Zuzu’s been taking dance classes for the last 3 years. Each year we get a notice home about the local Christmas Parade and an invitation to participate with her class. Each year, I mentally mark it off my calendar and file the invitation away. This year though, Zuzu was quite aware of what she was missing. She knew there was a special holiday dance class sweatshirt, an opportunity to don a Santa hat and strut her stuff. I knew that I had to be out of town for work that day and that it would be too much to march with her in the parade and keep the Quail comfortable on what was likely to be a cold, blustery day. So we explained why we were unable to participate and promised to look into it next year if she remained in dance.

Then the weather fairies collaborated to create enough rain to cancel the parade and reschedule it to a night where there were no obvious problems. AND, Zuzu came home from dance class with a note from her teacher with a phone number and additional invitation to call and get the last extra small holiday sweatshirt so she could participate. So I got down a Santa hat, rounded up some red pants and a turtleneck, bundled up the Quail and Lovey and I headed down to the parade. At first I was delighted. The girls were all smiles and it was nice to be out and see friends that we hadn’t in quite some time.  Then the sun started to set. The dance mother in charge of Zuzu’s age group started handing out candy cane batons and calling the girls over to practice. Zuzu started to hedge. She started announcing she was hungry, then thirsty, then cold, then just gave in to her urge to cling to me.

It was obvious that I wasn’t going to be able to leave her with her group and join Lovey & the Quail at the end of the parade to cheer for her. And that is how I came out of my 20 year plus parade hiatus to march my 20+ week pregnant belly down the main street of our fair town waving to friends that I haven’t seen in months. I learned a couple things in this: the importance of keeping a calm façade in the face of our children who fortunately didn’t genetically inherit my hang-ups and that a lot of the whining I hear from Zuzu seems to stem from anxiety. We went back and forth with the instructions to get in line to the point where the dance mother asked the instructor if we could put Zuzu on the float if she didn’t come around.

I’m happy to report she did come around and proudly led the group of her classmates with her candy cane held high and hollered out her happy holiday messages for all to hear. She was so convincing that it appeared most others than the dance mother didn’t realize the struggle it was to get her to stay there. I even found a small piece of myself that rallied as a proud dance mother encouraging the girls to keep their candy canes up with the group. I’m happy to report that we left with a clear uncertainty as to whether we would do it again.

The Quail’s highlight of that evening was in our hurried walk to get back to the beginning of the parade in time to see Santa waving from the top of the firetruck. Our girl who had shoved away from a previous Santa interaction just days earlier waved fanatically and even was able to work out a fairly loud greeting of “SANTAAAAAA!!!!!!” A sweet end to a festive night.

31 for 21: The End…

… of October brings an end to Down syndrome Awareness month and our participation in 31 for 21 for the third year. If you followed along; hopefully, you were able to glean a bit of normalcy or ordinariness that glistens in the corners of our extraordinary lives. I know that normal or ordinary is a relative term. That some may have followed along this month still quietly shaking their heads to themselves and offering up a prayer of gratitude for their own lovely lives. I recognize there are families out there that have much more medically complex lives. What’s routine for them, is not what other families face on a daily basis. I admire and feel a great love for these families. For their pure and true love and ability to live in and celebrate the present. It’s funny when people think about someone else’s life they often feel compelled to comment that they “just couldn’t do it” or “wouldn’t know what to do in that situation” or “it must just be so hard”. The reality of it is that it’s hard work to raise any child. You do it because they are your child- whether they grew early on in or under your heart. You really shouldn’t try to imagine yourself in that other family’s shoes. If that became your reality; it would be your shoes, not theirs. It just wouldn’t feel the same. I think one of the biggest dichotomies between having a child who is labeled as having special needs and having a child that is labeled as typical is how we picture the future. For some reason, when we stare down into the face of our tiny bundle one of two things seem to happen. For the “typical” child, we picture a grown up version of them- maybe a better version of whichever parent they resemble and all of the amazing things that may be a part of their future. Once that child bears the heavy label of Down syndrome, we tend to not see our child anymore. The picture we conjure is of a random adult that we may have passed in the mall, who bagged our groceries or some other stranger who is foreign to us. Part of that is not our fault, you have to look for role models to be able to visualize the future, and in the special needs world they don’t come quickly or easily. Society’s view of a person who has special needs is not necessarily a gracious or accurate one. Whereas other superhero role models are rocked in quick images on the television on a daily basis; doctors want the parents to be prepared for what might happen, what is not typical, what is deemed difficult. What you won’t easily find in the books you had been gathering to prepare yourself. I understand why they do it. But I wish there was also some way to routinely acknowledge that in the case of Down syndrome, so many other wonderful little ordinaries have not just been stolen from you. That whether in the end your child is indeed more alike than different; that they will know you, they will do ordinary and extraordinary things. They will bring a great love into your life and bless you with the strong heart of a parent who knows their child and will go to the ends of the earth to help them be all they can be. Just like they would even if their little was only given a mere 46. And now we return to our regular programming.