corner view: growth

Posted on by | 11 Comments

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

 

10441349_10204283198659075_8561624171820249073_n

 

“Your life is your practice. Your spiritual practice does not occur someplace other than in your life right now, and your life is nowhere other than where you are. You are looking for answers, insight, and wisdom that you already possess. Live the life in front of you, be the life you are, and see what you find out for yourself.”
― Karen Maezen Miller, Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood

corner view: gift

Posted on by | 8 Comments

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

Frankly, I was embarrassed and disappointed at my lack of control in how last year’s Mothers Day went. Why is it that when upsets happen on a holiday it makes them all the more poignant and easy to over-articulate meaning in to them that maybe, really wasn’t. This practice I have- of trying to ruffle the small bits of gratitude for individual moments- it is just that- a practice. Sometimes it is so very hard to just sit and let something be, to not read anymore into it and give it power that wasn’t inherently there. Over time, the good, the bad, the ugly- it all dissipates- so why not hold on to the sweet, good and kind and let the rest go it’s natural way. This year, I was very conscious of my part in the day- conscious to not place overarching expectation- to just sit with and receive where we were as it came. My seven-year old- she is so very expressive. She made six separate cards for me- but the one that is probably the most raw in the expression of her feelings for me is below- honest, unconditional love. Little ones- they say what they think- they have no problem staying in the moment. We paced our sweet day much better this year- and the gifts- they were lovely and heartfelt and those of you who helped to make them- you have a place in my momma heart as well.

 

corner view, 1 year ago, 5 years ago…

Posted on by | 6 Comments

…and maybe just a few others to boot! This time of year I can count on there being a stash of photos in my files of Lovey & the girls as we mark each Father’s Day.

Lovey is the quintessential modern day Dad- which is to say he’s more Mom than me most days. He doesn’t see his role as an aside to his life and neither do they. He cooks, he cleans, he changes diapers, feeds the babies, walks the crying babies at all hours, stays home with the sick ones, paints their sparkley nails, teaches them to change the oil in the car and bake a pie, shops for their purple twirly skirts, pulls their hair up in piggies, takes them to the birthday parties, practices the timed math tests, drives them to their therapies and activities and practices those outside of the weekly visits. He lovingly reads them stories and tucks them in at night as well as greeting them with hugs and kisses each morning. He is their Dad- a kind, loving, gentle and spirited soul who is as blessed to love them as they are to know him.

 

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

corner view: dinner party

Posted on by | 8 Comments

 

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

 

What our family brings would be seasonally and categorically dependent on our resources and responsibilities. Now that it is summer here, I tend to dip back into one of my oldest favorites. 20 years ago, I had a wonderful mentor. He is such an inspirational academic, boss and all around human being. When he was at his busiest and most stressed he would respond with food preparation. So during classes, board and staff meetings there would frequently be an offering that he had prepared. This salad was one of my favorites and the recipe was one of the many gems I gleaned from my time working and learning from him. To this day when I bring the salad to potlucks I get requests for the recipe.

Spinach and Fruit Salad

12-16 oz of fresh spinach, delete all non-tender portions

1+ pint strawberries sliced

4-6 oz. whole pecans, toasted lightly

Optional: medium size grapefruit- peeled, deveined and sliced or 1 tart orange, or ½ avocado

Dressing:

(make 8-24 hours ahead before serving)

1/3 Cup red wine vinegar

1/2 Cup Peanut or Canola Oil

1 TBSP Dry Mustard

1/2 Cup fine sugar

1 ½ TBSP finely minced onion

1/2 TBSP Poppy seeds

Blend together and refrigerate. Dressing typically separates so shake well before use.

Preparation:

Layer (2+) spinach, fruit, pecans, dressing

 

five minute friday: hands

Posted on by | 3 Comments

…where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.

DSC_2103

Go:

“Quail- do you want to go see your sister’s end of the year show this morning?” Her face lights up as she hollers yes, jumps twice for good measure and starts to tell the baby what is on the agenda. These sisters- they are there for each other. They don’t think about it they just are.

As we press open the weighted door to the first grade classroom I spy Zuzu sitting criss-cross applesauce by a set of desks close to the door. Our eyes meet and crinkle simultaneously as we slip into the full classroom near her spot. We are headed to a therapy appointment for the Quail within the hour and Zuzu’s teacher generously offered to let Zuzu’s group go first for their Reader’s Theater performance knowing how much it would mean to Zuzu that we are there to bare witness. Her group reads “The Fourth Little Pig” and Zuzu narrates her highlighted sections from her paper script. When they finish she rushes back to the area we are seated in and presses herself as close between the two desks separating us as she can manage so that she can momentarily bridge the gap between her school and home life. As the last group finishes up and I reach to the desk to set the camera down I see the girl’s hands entwined under the desk. The Quail’s small hand gently stroking Zuzu’s skinny fingers as she grips the Quail’s leg. They aren’t looking at each other and don’t appear to be otherwise aware of each other. Except they know. They orbit each other unconsciously. Drawing each other into their days and worlds.

This unconscious grace and acceptance, it has been there since Zuzu was first made a sister. As I sat on my rumpled bedsheets in the afternoon light nursing my newborn Quail, Zuzu crawled up to us all doe-eyed cautiousness not wanting to disrupt the nursing she herself held dear. I invited her in and as she joined us I looked down to see her hand protectively hovering over her new baby sisters, expressing more than she was able to say.

IMG_3509

Stop

corner view: Collections

Posted on by | 4 Comments

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

DSC_2097

 

I’m a bit of a hoarder by nature so what I have one of, I tend to have, well a collection by default. But one thing I seek out and collect on purpose- Salt!

corner view: pretty eyesore

Posted on by | 3 Comments

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

 DSC_9541

DSC_1471DSC_1725DSC_1805DSC_0700Wildflowers or weeds? I guess it depends on your perspective on life yes? Most wouldn’t consider the Foxglove in that category, but they are quite poisonous!

corner view: what makes me happy

Posted on by | 7 Comments

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

Decaf coffee with milk. A run in the morning. A yoga practice. A story being read to me. Time to think and write. Laughter. Humor. Wit. Speculation. Sugar. Weight loss. Kindness. Knowing I matter. Effort- my own and those whom I love. Netflix. MGD 64. A bakery run. Benedict Cumberbatch’s English charm. My BFF moving back. My husband hanging out with me. A meal cooked for me. A day that is far too busy. A day with absolutely nothing planned. A schedule and routine. A sour cream rhubarb pie baked by Lovey in my oven and the smell of it when I enter the kitchen at the end of the day. And then breaking that same schedule and routine spontaneously. Pictures. Bounce houses. Reading with Sugarplum. Flowers. Sherlock. Invitations. Learning to draw with Zuzu and the pictures she gives me. The little dip of her head as Sugarplum shyly guesses the color I’m holding up. The house momentarily cleaned up and decluttered. The wide-open charismatic grin of the Quail. Friday night pizza picnic & movies in the living room. Grilling to Pandora and the sounds of the girls splashing in the kiddie-pool. The enunciation of the last syllable on the Quail’s words. Running with Zuzu. The purposeful stride, giggle and sparkle in the eye of Sugarplum as she runs after her sisters. The brutally honest, unconditional love of a seven-year old who manages to let me know I should be less mean and never die in the space of one paragraph. The giggling of the sister’s antics from the front porch. The baby’s insistence that she also get her hair cut, get her face painted, climb into and buckle her own carseat, use a fork just like her sisters. Time to internet surf. Chocolate covered caramels with sea-salt. Seasonal expectations to hunt easter eggs, strawberries and blueberries and apples and pumpkins and holiday trees. Inclusion. Too many books and blogs and articles to ever read. The expectation of a coming vacation. A day trip to the mountains. New friends. My life right now.

Five Minute Friday: glue

Posted on by | 1 Comment

…where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.

Go:

“Move over Quail! I was there first! MOMMAAAAA!!!!”

I hear the Quail giggle as she squishes her bottom up against the pillow my head is lying on. At the same moment Sugarplum let’s go and hollers as Zuzu climbs over her in her primal need to be in the center of us all. And the wrestling starts. Breathing in huffily, I push myself up and tuck my shirt back down. “Girls- stop it- there is room for everyone….” Zuzu cuts me off in protest of the spot next to me that she had only momentarily vacated to gather up her lovies as she clambers on top of her sisters.

This scene is nothing new. I’m used to it after 7 and a half years of parenting her on the outside after having had to pry her from my womb in the first place. Zuzu may be the oldest of the Sistred, and she may have contorted herself over the years to allow her sister’s in to her space. But she is always eyeing the spot near Momma. Be it my lap, my arms, my bed, the seat next to me at the table, on the couch, in the car or plane. She will go to the mattresses to be kept close. And her sisters- they’ve learned this pattern. They may be more comfortable stretching away from us, but when they see the light in Zuzu’s eye’s turn towards me, they will barrel in under her. I didn’t know little girls wrestled and rascaled. Their need for physical and emotional closeness often dickers with their need for mental independence. They sleep in their own room under protest. They peek through our door longingly in the wee hours of the morn. They stop their Netflix, their little pony’s, their playing of “cook”, “bye-bye, off to work” and “school” the minute they hear the bedroom door to the bathroom creak and slide under the covers with their lovies marking out their territory for snuggles.

The mornings come early and are oh so very long, but the years they are dearly short.

Clamping down my own protest to the squabble this time, I sigh, “Come around this side. Careful where you step.” I slide over to the middle of the mattress, pressing up against the Quail as she leans down to pat and kiss the baby who is feverishly kneading her blanket between us. Zuzu grabs up her monkey lovies, whimpers and spoons her angular seven-year-old self against me as I rearrange myself over the “Nah-neh! Side!” cries for nursing from Sugarplum. Lovey steps in the room and settles next to the Quail with a cup of coffee and his laptop while Zuzu turns on PBS and we all settle back for a few moments of family meditation before the weekend comes unglued.

 Stop.

corner view: something to celebrate!

Posted on by | 5 Comments

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday gathering, originally hosted by Jane, now by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it photographic or writerly in form, from around the world. Come see the world’s corner view via the links on the sidebar!

 

I’ve put a lot of effort into reclaiming myself this past year. After almost 8 years of mothering I’ve been feeling more than a bit, well, not myself. My energy level has waned, my weight has bloomed, I’m irritable, scattered and tired. So 6 months ago I started the Couch to 5K program during my lunch hour. I figured that since I had spent over 3 years of lunch hours pumping milk for the babies I could  spend that time exercising for me- and also for them- happy mom = happy kiddos and all that. After 4 months of regular running and upping my walking time outside of that though, I lost 6 inches around my waist but no real change with my weight. So in February I restarted Weight Watchers- fast forward 7 weeks and I’m down 12 pounds- I’m on my way! In February members of my on-line fitness group that I had started last fall when I began running decided we needed to create a team for the upcoming Color Run which was scheduled for April in our town for the first time. In total there were 40 of us Tired Tiger Moms and our little runners. And the day was great! If you’ve never done a Color Run or any kind of race- take this from a tired momma who has yet to feel a runner’s high- sign up for a Color Run! This world-wide phenomenon of a 5k raises money for your local charities and offers a light-hearted emphasis on fun and fitness. When my friends first mentioned it I was fairly certain I was not going to join in. After completing the C25K program I found I really didn’t enjoy running for 20-30 minutes straight and I was constantly looking for excuses to not go out and run. So I switched over to a more Jeff Galloway- type approach and settled in with doing a 5 minute warm-up and cool down with 10 intervals of 2 minutes run/1 minute walking in between three times a week. While I’ve managed to keep it up, I’ve yet to say I truly enjoy it while I’m doing it. I’ve tried audio books, Netflix and Pandora to keep my interest up. There has been a noticeable benefit in trying to keep up with the kiddos and not feeling winded, cranky and exhausted playing with them. Then the thermometer rose to 76 degrees and the end of my outdoor running stretch was clearly in sight. I’m already up at 6 am and I barely have time to use the loo on my own in the evenings- so switching to a cooler time of day is not likely. I had a little on-line temper tantrum “announcing” that I was done running until the autumn, and then, what do you know- the thermometer and I kept at it.

This past weekend came The Color Run. Zuzu and I had agreed to join in but we both had our own set of worries. For Zuzu- she was convinced a bear would appear on the race course and spent the morning of the race plotting how she would finagle getting up on the bear to ride him the remainder of the course. For me the thought of being up early on one of the two mornings I get to sleep my exhausted self in so that I could run in the cool morning air and have paint thrown at me was just not appealing. Zuzu also had created an image of buckets of liquid paint being thrown at us as we tried to run away. Yet, bless her devoted little heart- in spite of bear and paint attacks she applied her HAPPY arm tattoo, donned her Color Run glasses and anxiously followed her beloved mother out to the car. When we arrived at the scene of what can only be described as a rock concert- both of our eyes widened- mine in excitement, hers in alarm as I tried to herd over to the run’s mascot- the Runicorn. Shaking and clinging like a baby monkey to me she absolutely refused to go anywhere near her favorite animal in the world. Let’s just say she was insistent enough that I am clear it would be folly to pay for a trip to Disney for this child. We tried to join in the warm-up work-out but in spite of the pop music and enthusiasm around us she remained stricken at the thought of the paint and bears. Once we were on the course her typical anxiety acts started in, she alternated telling me her heart and tummy hurt and that she didn’t want to wear the fluorescent tutu I had gotten her with pointing out how ridiculous men looked in tutus. She was so-not-happy. And then we got to the first color area. As we ran through the fine mist of powder and wiped it off of our glasses she looked down trying to spy the streaks of yellow. About a half-mile out from there when we spotted the pink station her pace picked up and her complaints faded as she ran up to the people cheering to be sprayed. From that point on she was sold. This was fun! We alternated walking and running per her requests and six months of prep-work let me keep up with her. After we got our water and kind bars and the paint throws in the finish galley started she perked up and asked to get up on my shoulders to cheer and eventually got herself over the fencing and up on stage to join the little runners in their celebration. Full throttle this girl of mine- all or nothing. Win big or stay home. Next year- we’re bringing the whole family. Fitness seems to be the new us. My first race at age 41, Zuzu’s first race at 7. Now that’s something to celebrate!

 

Ps- Oh and I also gave up caffeine last week. While I’m not quite ready to celebrate this experiment, I am pretty impressed with how good I feel without it- I see a new more focused, calm, happy energized family life coming my way in this next year.

Next week- Back to a regular yoga practice. Yay!