Sunday Still Life

Sunday Still Life is an evolving mindfulness project; an weekly invitation to pause the busy of our days, to re-center and celebrate the beauty and depth of life. If you are leave inspired to join in, please leave a link in Erin’s comments.

I waited to hear her first cry eagerly. It didn’t come right away, at least not fast enough for a Momma’s ears and heart. I felt my own breath pause waiting to take the next alongside hers. She was beautiful, looking instantly like herself and my other babies, but so very still. I heard the nurse ask how things were going over there and my doctor reply that she was trying to hold her breath. In my mind’s eye everything went still as we waited, and then, there it was, that glorious sound of new life.

Zuzuday: big girldom

It’s happening.

I don’t know exactly when the transition settled in her mind. Zuzu has always loved Elmo and Sesame Street. I know when I was a little girl all of 2 I used to cry to my Momma, “My Streeeeeeeeet! I want My Streeeeeeeet!” In my mind I associate the tv watching of Sesame Street with Romper Room, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Electric Company.

Zuzu had a brief but ardant flame for Mr. Rogers. She told me at one point that she was going to marry him and I applaud her emphasis on character in a spouse! That changed too though and now She’s fairly certain she’s going to marry Daddy. Some day we’ll talk about realistic choices. 🙂

For a long time you could be certain that Bert, Ernie, Elmo,Zoe and the newer furry friends would hold her interest.She doesn’t ask for them anymore though. She’s handed the torch for the fuzzy over to the Quail. A few weeks ago she sat through an entire episode of The Brady Bunch. It was her first “grown-up show”. No cartoon characters. Just people. In truth she has very little exposure to “people” shows. She goes to bed in the evening before we turn on any sit-coms and most of what she sees is PBS or DVDs we’ve purchased. Lovey and I both thought the interest in The Brady Bunch was cute. She makes it clear she now needs to be home on Sundays at 11am to watch her grown-up show.

This Sunday morning as I lobbed my pregnant self around the house wiped out by another night of end-of-pregnancy-non-sleep and the Quail trailed me holding a Barney DVD and doll, Zuzu announced that her favorite showThe Electric Company was on and explained the days words and plot and settled in for the show that I remember very little of from my childhood other than “Hey you GUYS!!!!!!!”

Now if only grown-up foods and chores would hold her interest….

corner view: everyday

It’s the everyday ordinaries that are the real miracles. This little mess on my bathroom floor that first started appearing about a year ago, it was the first time I took off the Quail’s shoes after a day at school and a little pile of sand spilled out. The miracle in that is it means that she was up and on the sand filled playground at her school with little buddies. She walked, she played, she made a little mess. Just like any other little kid.

Corner view is a weekly Wednesday date hosted originally hosted by Jane, currently by Francesca. A topic is given and you can see impressions; be it in photographic or writerly in form from around the world: Jane, Dana, Bonny, Joyce, Ian, Francesca, Theresa, Cate, Kasia, Otli, Trinsch, Isabelle, Janis, Kari, jgy, Lise, Dorte, McGillicutty, Sunnymama, Ibb, Kelleyn, Ninja, Sky, RosaMaria, Juniper, Valerie, Sammi, Cole, Don, WanderChow, FlowTops, Tania, Tzivia, Kristin, Laura, Guusje, Susanna, Juana, Elsa, Nadine

Quailday: Potty Prowess

The Quail took up status as a resident Captain Underpants in her classroom this past February and we couldn’t be prouder! We had started a potty chart at home when she was about 18 months old and she has enjoyed stickering them up. Before the holidays she had filled up her school potty chart, signifying her taking a place in line to start coming to school in underpants!

She had been managing her pull-ups during the day fairly well and keeping them dry. She also has the world’s strongest 2 year old bladder apparantly as she generally is dry each morning.

So starting February 6, 2012 it was her turn for the insightful training of the Potty Queen- Miss Christal! We packed her little sack of extra “just in cases”. And sent her off to school in big-girl underpants. Which surprisingly our “little” 2 year old turned out to need a bump up to size 4 within a couple of weeks. Whether this was a ploy for new Dora underwear we’ll never know, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Beyonce’s got nothing on this little round booty!

Last week Lovey came home after me and I heard a quiet stilling and then he asked, “Is there something heartbreaking you want to tell me?” I know that could mean any number of things considering all that is going on, but estimating his location I quickly responded. “It wasn’t her fault. Her pants weren’t pulled down far enough. She was dry all day.” Sure enough, he had spotted the tell-tale black garbage bag of school that means clothes have come home with inards on the outards. Fortunately the only accidents she’s had at school so far have been the “pants not down far enough” kind.

She’s trying to put herself up on the potty and she’s got a pretty good balancing act that keeps her upright. The main issue is her ability to pull up and down her pants- under and over. She tries and we’ve realized part of the issues is them being a little too tight with a recent growth spurt I mentioned above. Of course our upsizing of the clothes has led to some rather awkward company-in-the-house moments as girlfriend decides to share her newfound skill with anyone in the house as she marches into a room stark naked or with a new adornment of marker body art or a piece of someone else’s clothing strung over her. In lieu of this new hobby I’ve asked Pudge’s mom to please have Pudge stop texing the Quail step-by-step instructions as I can only assume this hobby came from one of her role models.

Interestingly, whenever I show up at school and try to have her go before we head out (the looming fear of having to tear that carseat apart for a washing is all the motivation I need to get with the program) Miss Thing immediately flops down on the floor and hollers her refusal. And even more interestingly, both of her teachers watch in surprise. “She doesn’t do that during the day.” And that my friends is why I don’t homeschool in a nutshell.

Of course she doesn’t. They never do. Doesn’t matter the issue: sleeping, eating, potty training, staying close to the grown-up. Somehow it’s rarely an issue at school. And yet a full-on soap opera at home. A friend was once commisserating over her child’s picky appetite. “So he eats the beans at school and I bought some to have at home and he refused. I asked the teacher how they prepared them. Initially she just said, well they’re canned. No, no, no…start from the beginning, what store are they from, so you open the can, you heat them on the stove or in the microwave? You serve them in a bowl or a plate…”

When it comes to serving toddlers you can’t be too specific. In terms of our potty tantrums I did learn that they give the Quail more latitude then I do. They approach her every 20-30 minutes (depending if she had actually peed or pooped the previous time) and ask, “Do you need to go potty?” She either toddles off to the potty or says no. Now at home when she says no, I’m a bit more insistent. We’re um, not real great with mess here. But they allow her to say no and then just ask again a minute or two later. If she still says no, they’ll suggest she try and like the conundrum that she is, off she goes. At home she falls on the floor screaming like I suggested we take her duck lovey to the thrift store for a more appreciative child or something. And I carry her flailing self off to the potty. The thing is, more often then not once she cools her jets she does pee.

No matter what grade the tantrum is though, once she’s on the potty you can always count on a toot to bring back her good humor.

Quailday: School Daze: Part 1

The Quail in gettin’ ready to make her grand entrance into the public school system! Where we live the months prior to turning 3 is when the referral to the school district and the pre-school screenings begin. The Quail’s EI, our dear Jodie; made the referral last August. In November, we met with the school transition liason to learn about the process and had the beginning of the screenings. The first was a generalized screen where we sent a mountain of paperwork detailing the ins and outs of our girl prior to the meeting and then went in for a brief hearing/vision/speech and developmental pre-school screen. We did our best to be ready and put our best foot forward for this grand introduction. Unfortunately, the Quail’s OT session the hour before the screening got a little rocky. She tripped and fell and for the first time in her sweet life split her chin open and bruised her cheek with the fall. She was a real trooper though. A few ounces of kefir and a syringe of Tylenol later, she perked up and charmed her way around the room.

Lovey and I were pretty undecided how well we thought she might separate from us for the screening. Ideally they would like the child to go with them. Although, much like previous Santa Claus visit debacles, after you spend months reminding your children to not talk to strangers, it can be a bit of a challenge to then convince them off the cuff to go with the nice lady while Momma or Daddy stays out here. She’s got good protective instincts. I’ll give her that!

We thought she might be impressed by the apps on their shiny Ipads, but unfortunately we forgot to special order ahead of time a Dora or Barney specific one. Grover is animated, but not one of her favorite buds. We eventually compromised with me standing in the doorway for a bit of the session and they eventually asked me to come back in and I was able to act as a security beanbag chair for our bird.

I think this is where the roadmap gets complicated. I’m all for inclusion. I’m also all for following rules and the process to learn how to. I’ve always felt one of the main lessons that you learn in public school is how to get along in society and how to go about figuring something out. I want the Quail to have the opportunity to succeed and be exposed to a typical classroom. I firmly believe that she is as advanced as she is because she has been in a typical setting all of this time and had the model of typical peers. It’s invaluable to her development. I also don’t want her to struggle needlessly in a setting that is beyond her. When Zuzu has a hard time at school or in one of her fun classes, she gets reminders of the expectations of the class and the need for her to cooperate and follow her teachers instructions. I don’t ask the teachers to accommodate her louder voice, her spunky nature, her inquisitive energy level. I expect her to behave to the best of her ability. When that doesn’t match up with the teachers expectations, we work on it and practice it and go over the rules again and again. I have the same expectation for the Quail. And that girl of mine, she loves rules and routines. That said, she takes a little longer and needs a little more repetition to learn them. I can see now where her lack of expressive speech or her difficulty controlling her gross and fine motor actions are different than her typical peers. She can learn, but it’s different how she learns.

That Quail-ee,  she’s bright, she’s friendly, she’s funny, she’s curious and she loves to learn. She responds well in a familiar setting to our expectations most of the time. Part of that, a large part of that; is how we’ve adapted to her and what we know she can do. The same goes for her current private preschool/daycare where she’s gone fulltime since she was 8 weeks old. This will be a big transition, with a new setting and the need to meet and interact with all new people who have all new rules and expectations. I’m certain she’ll charm them. But her magic isn’t really something that’s measurable, you know what I mean?

I’m starting to think about the concept that a generalized view of the worth of someone with a disability and the value of an inclusive society and what that means for a young child versus a fully grown adult might be different. The Quail’s done well for herself developmentally. In the last year though, areas that frustrate her and she struggles with are much more apparent though, than when she was a baby. If you were to glance at her playground at school, I don’t think she would stand out all that much. She’ll kick the ball, attempt to run to the swing and hop on, she’ll sit in her circle time spot and pay close attention to the book the teacher is reading. She knows where her lunch table spot is, she follows her center activities, she enjoys painting, gluing, drawing and clean-up. Maybe even more than the average kid. She’s naughty- just like the other 3 year olds in the room, but she’s quick to say she’s sorry when prompted and run back in for the make-up hug and surprisingly willing to go to the time-out spot when she’s been unduly unkind to a pal. She’s friendly and confident and proud. She’s no push-over. Take her toy from her and she’s coming after you to get it back. Odds are you’ll get a pinch, a hair-tug or thump on your back for your thoughtlessness.

Then sit down with her and try to start a conversation. This is where you’ll notice the difference. If you ask her what her favorite color is, she’ll just look at you. If you ask her if she has a cat or a dog at home, she’ll look down. If you then ask her what do you do when you’re cold? She may start to show her frustration. Because while she understands the words you are saying. She’s not equipped to formulate a response that she hasn’t been cued to. Those of us that have been with her for the long-haul now have taught her as many things as she’s taught us. I would even say that in a lot of settings she is good at generalizing. It’s just that she can match the colors in front of her or identify which one you need if you ask for a specific one. She knows when she needs a drink and will tell you, but wouldn’t be able to show you where to go to get that drink the first few times you ask. Until we teach her. Every few months as the way we ask things of her changes, I’m continuously astounded at the complexity of everyday life.

So during our first screening, we found a compromise to get the it done. In my momma-bear role, I did my best to keep quiet and let the Quail try to do her best at the standardized test. I waited until I was asked if she is able to do something before jumping in and trying to adapt the new people to her. I was equally impressed with her ability to show them her knowledge of her colors, body parts and familiar objects in her own quiet style and a little disappointed at the skills I know she possesses that she chose not to share. That’s life though right? Not everyone can know everything about you in a quick glance or a 30 minute timeslot. I could see the last year’s worth of cognitive drills that we had focused on being summed up in the standardized test. And while I cringed at not having spent more time with her on some of the more recent additions to our routines, I also know that it’s a fair assessment to say that these things don’t come easily or quickly for her. She’ll get them. In her own time. Isn’t that what people always say about the milestones of a child who has Down syndrome- they’ll get their in their own time? It’s true. For now though, the time has come to share her with a new system. I guess I can’t expect it to be easy for her or us. I need to be as patient with the new system as I try to be with her.

The next step came after the holidays. The school did a psychological evaluation to get a sense of her cognitive functioning and since our SLP works for the school district she submitted the most recent full speech and language evaluation. The psychologist, in her screening was spot on, in her description of the Quail as unique. She noted that she would have assumed, from the Quail’s initial (read: lack of) responses to some of the testing questions that she didn’t have the base of knowledge that she does. At the points in which I was cued to step in and ask the Quail some of the questions I would sign with her and she would sign back. Or I would adjust the wording of the question to a pattern she was familiar with. I’ve felt pretty uncertain about my early on decision to teach her to sign when she didn’t progress to verbal speech on a certain timetable. I’ve realized the lack of expressive speech is really a big limitation for her. That said, I’m grateful that I can communicate with her and that she does have a way to tell me what’s on her mind and heart. Most children with Down syndrome don’t have good expressive speech until the ages of 4-6 years old. In that way I’m oh-so-grateful for dear Ms. Rachel of Signing Time for giving us a roadmap into her earlier on than we would have had without it. And to Miss Sara for guiding us through a diagnosis of speech dyspraxia.

So we’re off into the big world of big-kid school! The school district starts to serve her in this this winter/spring when she turns 3. She’ll continue to go to her current little school-house, but we’ll introduce a new set of teachers who will work with her as well during the week.

We’re excited to meet our new buddies and see how our new school-year will unfold!

To be  continued…

Quailday: The Quail’s Speech…

  

Which by the way, did you see that movie, “The King’s Speech”? Loved it. So very good. Especially to a family that has some dyspraxia issues of their own going on!

In the last year, I’ve mentioned our multitude of therapeutic interventions regarding speech on behalf of the Quail here and here. When we last left you there was some concern over helping the Quail achieve “Volitional Airflow”, or her ability to make some noise purposefully. We started with Sara Rosenfeld Johnson’s horn hierarchy last summer. By late August we had a toot. The, um, upper respiratory kind. No issues on the lower tract, her and her sister find deep and abiding joy trying to “out-toot” each other. This fall we had a consistent sound coming out of the “pre-horn” and went ahead and ordered the full set of horns. The 1st horn came fairly easy to her in terms of airflow. So, check, we now have volitional airflow.

We have pretty good oral-motor strength as well. We still do daily exercises, but generally speaking, the Quail is capable of chomping the full buffet of toddler foods offered at her school each day, sans drinks. Last summer’s swallow study had let us reduce the thickness of her liquids with the understanding that they must still all be consumed in a cup with her therapeutic straw. If it was cold, then half-nectar thickness would work, if it was room temperature than we are to stick with nectar. We typically mix the drinks up ourselves at home and send them “pre-thickened” into school. It’s just easier for everyone that way.

Last fall we visited the cyber-home of Lisa & Sheridan and became enthralled with their apraxia links and videos. When I watched Sheridan talk, I felt like I was seeing a future Quail. We noted the tools they use to help him with his speech and asked our local SLP to look into Kaufman Cards for us. Since they carry a hefty price tag we wanted to be certain they would fly with our bird before a formal purchase. Generally speaking though, learning by flashcard is the Quail’s go-to for new skills. Our SLP borrowed the local school district set and we started practicing. We then started generalizing the skill to the books we look at routinely. Instead of asking the Quail to say a given word, we started asking her to say an approximation of it with the sounds we know she has already mastered (mostly vowels).

I swear it was like a light-bulb snapped on as her face lit up and she happily chortled back the sounds we were asking for that she already knew she was capable of. It was the first consistent set of vocal imitations we have been able to pry from her.

So what does this look like for her? Take her favorite Dora the Explorer Halloween book. When we flip through it, I’ll point to an object. Previously, I would have said, “Look at the ghost! Can you say ghost?” To which she would have done one of 5 things:

1. Remained silent

2. Thrown the book

3. Shook her head no

4. Gotten up and walked away

5. Smacked me with the book or her hand

Now, after learning about asking for a speech approximation that she can be successful with, instead I’ll say, “Look at the ghost! The ghost says, “booooooo!” Can you say oooooooooo?” And this birdy- She grins and belts out, “OOOOOOOOOO” and cheers for herself.

That folks, is a little bridge of understanding between us and her. So since this discovery we’ve been using the skill wherever we can.  

That all began last October 2011. While she may not hit the target dead-on, she’s been picking up her bow and filing through a steady quiver of arrows. Over the weekend, Zuzu was so delighted in this recent development that she decided to institute doorway passwords. I heard a door close and the Quail go toddling up to it hollering her usual “Da,Da,Da” request to be included. Then I heard Queen Zuzu say, “Nooooooo….if you want to come in, say yellow.” Without missing a beat the Quail whispers her best “ye-yow”. Zuzu then says, “Say raisin!” to which the Quail whispers, “Sai-sen”.  Zuzu adds for good measure, “Say Oval!” That tolerant birdie, whispers “Oval.” Zuzu, who at this point has got to be aware one of the grown-folk are now headed to intervene, adds a final, “Say apple!” to which the Quail says more forcefully as I’m about to open the door between them, “affle!” An odd assortment of words? Um, yes, not entirely clear why these words make it out, and seemingly less complex ones are beyond reach, but thrilled none the less to add them to our regular calendar of dinnertime topics! Queen Zuzu has really been instrumental in drawing little words from her sister. If Zuzu asks her to try to say something, the Quail beaming from the attention of her hero, happily complies.

Then on the night of November 21, 2011- my dear Quail, well she said something so heartwarming I swooned and tucked her in close. I know it was prompted, but after 2 years and 9 months of regular prompting- the first response is still oh so sweet. It was bedtime and as I hugged the Quail close, I whispered in her ear, “Night-night, Love you- say ove ou!” and I felt the breathe of her little words on my neck, “ove ooo”. Swoon…..

The other bittersweet happening over the new year is her clear articulation of the letter m. I know they say m,p and b generally come first, but for her that has not been the case. After months (since last May to be exact) of practicing our girl can say mmmmmm. Which happily has enabled her to say, “Momma”. Sweetness right? The bitter part is this happens to coincide with a round of separation anxiety, which amounts to morning departures that are amplified with the pitiful wailings of, “Momma, momma, wahhhhhhh!!!!!” as I head out to work in the morning. Sigh. Fortunately her oh-so-resourceful Daddy has turned morning time departures into a gathering of well-wishings full of kisses, hugs and cheers for a happy day to each of us and that seemed to quell her anxieties.

As I mentioned, the order in which she’s learned her consonants has been odd. She can do an approximation of almost the entire alphabet consistently now with the exception of P and B, the ones that should have come first. P and B have been coming out as a lip-smack-kissy sound until this January 2012. We’ve tried a multitude of approaches to correct this including the Apraxia shapes that gave us the sound mmmmm, ooooo, ooohhhh and ahhhh. But our bird would just kiss on the P and B shapes. Fortunately we had a program plan update planned for January 2012 with Sara Rosenfeld Johnson. Since Sara last saw her in May 2011, she has also improved her lip closure and rounding for function and now has adequate tongue retraction during function and at rest. Essentially, despite her difficulty with clarity she has become more willingly chatty. Despite all of the noted improvements p and b remain somewhat elusive to her. And as charming as her kissy version of them is, we have been mystified as to how to correct it.

I know many folks in the Ds community think that we are over-analyzing her difficulty talking. That it is just the Down syndrome itself causing the delay. The literature says that expressive speech is not fully articulated till closer to 4-6 years of age. And our bird doesn’t turn 3 until the latter part of February 2012. The problem for us is that the Quail seems to have lost speech in the last year. The Down syndrome literature does not say anything about that. And throughout all of our IFSPs our EI has always said when she starts to slip in an area then we need to consider why that is. In every other developmental area the Quail has made leaps and bounds, either maintaining her developmental age range or in the case of cognitive, social and self-help leaping up a few months. Speech is the one area that has slipped. So we’ve talked with our SLP and with SRJ about the possibility of apraxia being the culprit. Her receptive language this fall measured 98 on the PLS 5. When you remove her sign language from the expressive equation her score dropped from 82 to 77 giving her an overall total language score of 89 with sign and 86 without. Sara felt that this drop was not significant enough for a full-fledged apraxia diagnosis when we saw her in Jan 2012. It was concerning that her receptive is outpacing her expressive. Since she now has all the other necessary components for expressive speech we are left to think that her severe motor planning disorder is manifesting as a speech dyspraxia. This makes sense as we think back over how her other developmental skills have developed. She generally has a great deal of difficulty performing any given task (crawling, walking, signing, feeding herself, playing with toys) until she’s been able to go over the act in a repetitive fashion for a number of weeks to months. Once she has it firmly under her belt, we don’t hear complaints, tantrums or refusals from her anymore.

This girl knows what she knows and also what she doesn’t know and let me tell you, she does not want to be put on display with what she doesn’t know. And frankly, who can blame her? Do any of us enjoy that?

So in January at our PPU with SRJ, we explained how perplexed we were over the P/B mystery. Sara watched us practice the first horn with her and immediately noted that although we had her blowing it up to almost 25 times in a row, we weren’t removing it from her mouth between blows. She needed to do this in order to move her mouth in the proper way to get a p or b sound out. She also gave us a new activity with our z-vibe and the yellow spoon tip (hoping that the yellow color would eventually generalize her back over to the yellow apraxia shape) that was both fun for her and silly. We would turn on the vibration and utter a “b” sound as we tapped it on her leg and arm working our way up to her lips where she could purse them on the spoon and then produce the sound herself. I tell you it was like magic. I would say it was within days of this correction that we started hearing her attempts at quiet little b sounds. Now she giggles and tells us which leg to start the z-vibe on. She doesn’t always produce the b sound, but her consistency is growing. For now we are focusing on the B.

That’s the long and short of it. Since this burst of inspiration we’ve also started adding her school buddies name into the fold of dinnertime conversations asking if she has played with one child or another that day. You can totally see her eyes light us as we make our way around to her favorite, “Mariah” as she grins, giggles and utters “Ry-a”!!!! Now as to whether her and Mariah played nicely or met in Thunderdome that day, well that’s a story for another day.

sunday still life

Sunday Still Life is an evolving photography project; a weekly invitation to pause the busy of our days, to re-center and celebrate the beauty and depth of life. If you are inspired to join in, please leave a link in Erin’s comments.

See her over there? The littlest gymnast? Eyeing that rope right alongside the big kids? Yeah, that’s our little daredevil. A couple of weeks ago she passed her neck X-ray looking for atlanto-axial instability which is common in little ones with Down syndrome with flying colors. To celebrate Lovey signed her up for the parent/tot gymnastics class at the school her sister goes to. Apparantly she dug it. Other than a little perplexed look crossing her face at the closing “wiggle” dance the others perfomed. But I’m sure that’s coming.

This weekend we brought her along to a birthday party for some bigger kids that her sister was looking forward to. We assumed she wouldn’t actually participate but figured she could bounce on the littler trampolines while her sister joined in the festivities. Girlfriend was not to be left out. We grown-ups got swiped at when we tried to prevent her from cutting in line for her turn and run away from when we tried to keep this squirt out of the way of the bigger gymnasts.

This rope though? Clearly she was too small for that. But no, she wiggled her way out of Lovey’s arms to plant herself firmly next. And when Lovey and the teacher lifted her up to it she hung on for dear life and giggled her way across the mat, proud as anything!

She’s a constant reminder, this little firecracker of ours to not make ANY assumptions of what another human being is capable of. Give em a chance for pete’s sake!

And I’m pretty sure she just earned herself her very own gymnastics party to celebrate all 3 years of her yummy self!

Zuzuday: The Twinkle Brigade

Zuzu was in her first parade. Anyone that knew me in childhood knows that I do not love a parade. Growing up they were in summer and winter- harsh weather, itchy band uniforms coupled with a slightly anxious disposition created much turmoil in my young head and bladder. Zuzu’s been taking dance classes for the last 3 years. Each year we get a notice home about the local Christmas Parade and an invitation to participate with her class. Each year, I mentally mark it off my calendar and file the invitation away. This year though, Zuzu was quite aware of what she was missing. She knew there was a special holiday dance class sweatshirt, an opportunity to don a Santa hat and strut her stuff. I knew that I had to be out of town for work that day and that it would be too much to march with her in the parade and keep the Quail comfortable on what was likely to be a cold, blustery day. So we explained why we were unable to participate and promised to look into it next year if she remained in dance.

Then the weather fairies collaborated to create enough rain to cancel the parade and reschedule it to a night where there were no obvious problems. AND, Zuzu came home from dance class with a note from her teacher with a phone number and additional invitation to call and get the last extra small holiday sweatshirt so she could participate. So I got down a Santa hat, rounded up some red pants and a turtleneck, bundled up the Quail and Lovey and I headed down to the parade. At first I was delighted. The girls were all smiles and it was nice to be out and see friends that we hadn’t in quite some time.  Then the sun started to set. The dance mother in charge of Zuzu’s age group started handing out candy cane batons and calling the girls over to practice. Zuzu started to hedge. She started announcing she was hungry, then thirsty, then cold, then just gave in to her urge to cling to me.

It was obvious that I wasn’t going to be able to leave her with her group and join Lovey & the Quail at the end of the parade to cheer for her. And that is how I came out of my 20 year plus parade hiatus to march my 20+ week pregnant belly down the main street of our fair town waving to friends that I haven’t seen in months. I learned a couple things in this: the importance of keeping a calm façade in the face of our children who fortunately didn’t genetically inherit my hang-ups and that a lot of the whining I hear from Zuzu seems to stem from anxiety. We went back and forth with the instructions to get in line to the point where the dance mother asked the instructor if we could put Zuzu on the float if she didn’t come around.

I’m happy to report she did come around and proudly led the group of her classmates with her candy cane held high and hollered out her happy holiday messages for all to hear. She was so convincing that it appeared most others than the dance mother didn’t realize the struggle it was to get her to stay there. I even found a small piece of myself that rallied as a proud dance mother encouraging the girls to keep their candy canes up with the group. I’m happy to report that we left with a clear uncertainty as to whether we would do it again.

The Quail’s highlight of that evening was in our hurried walk to get back to the beginning of the parade in time to see Santa waving from the top of the firetruck. Our girl who had shoved away from a previous Santa interaction just days earlier waved fanatically and even was able to work out a fairly loud greeting of “SANTAAAAAA!!!!!!” A sweet end to a festive night.

Zuzuday: hair today, gone tomorrow

I have a real love/hate relationship with haircuts and the girls. I find myself eyeing their sweet heads for weeks on end before finally asking if anyone is interested in a haircut. I need to be sure I can commit to it before I make the offer. It shouldn’t be this difficult, but emotionally it is. Probably because I only do it once or twice a year and at this age, even without my help they grow so quickly.

When both of the girls were born, their hair came out mirroring mine. Lots of chocolate brown hair wisps covered their tender heads. In the first few months as it came off and new hair grew in, with both of them it changed over to Lovey’s strawberry blonde locks. Everyone thinks they look like him- I’m the odd man out in family pictures. Truth be told, when Lovey was their age he was a towhead. White, white, white. Shortly before Zuzu was born, I was gifted a number of boxes of my childhood things from my mom and in the depths of those I found a little envelope that carried the locks from my first haircut. My hair- was strawberry blonde! I have absolutely no memory of this and was so surprised to see the different color. It made me realize that the days of having these sweet little strawberry heads is most likely numbered.

Thus begins the love/hate relationship with haircuts as I age them with every snip. About a year ago I took the girls in to a joint doctor appointment a few weeks after their fall haircut and the doctor looked at them and asked if Zuzu’s hair used to be the same color as the Quail. I was shocked- I hadn’t noticed how much darker it had already turned.  That time I had given the Quail bangs and I think the heartshock of seeing my baby vanish into a toddler had caused me to stop eyeing them so closely. Sure enough though, I can see it, it’s just a shade darker. Everytime we cut it, I feel like I’m cutting off part of their babyhood.

Yet, I can’t quite help myself, as I eye it for weeks preceding the haircut I notice how straggly or thin it has become and feel the need to thicken and even it up. I always love the final result after I cry about it few a few days though. This fall Zuzu had been the one asking for a cut after I came home from work with one.  It’s not a quick process for us. I do cut the hair myself, but I usually have to trail after them over the course of the weekend making little amends. Since Zuzu had asked, I started with her this time and noticed that her bangs were almost at the length I had hoped so that we could even it all out to one length. In reality, that was shorter than I pictured the cut as a whole. She was tickled.  I was uncertain and Lovey asked why I took his little girl away. It’s a spritely little cut on her, but the bittersweetness of it going one more shade darker as I cut the summer sun out of it was enough to put me in my hair-cutting place before I got to the Quail. Needless to say, I only took a couple of inches off of her in order to keep the rest of my heart intact.